Saturday, May 29, 2010

Day 90 - Practicing Mindfulness

I should change the title of this blog to something to do with food, since that's what I usually talk about.

After I spent that long run yesterday burping and having heart burn, I decided I was going to be more careful with my food choices to spare myself the discomfort of all that business.  Sure, spicy sausage tastes good when I'm eating it, but I pay for it later! 

While I was on that run, burping away...hahaha I had a couple of revelations about food.  I decided that:

1.  I will strive to practice some level of control in all of my interactions with food. No, I may not be perfect and I will have slips, but my goal will be to not do what I've done on my past cheat days... which is to eat until I am sick and then feel awful for hours afterwards.

2.  I will eat less than I think I need... wait awhile, and if I'm still hungry will allow myself more.

Yesterday I bought a bag of almonds. They were really good, there I was munching away... when I said to myself, "put the bag down. You've had enough."  The bag had 2.5 servings in it, and I'd probably had 2 servings already.  Well, I didn't WANT to put them down, I wanted to keep on popping 'em in my mouth.  It was painful, but I forced myself to set them aside.  About 10 minutes later, I had forgotten about them. Food victory #1!

I had scrambled eggs for a late lunch after court. I was all alone in the house and I just wanted to get onto the computer, sit on the couch and shovel the eggs into my mouth while reading Facebook posts.  But I didn't. I am making an effort to pay attention when I am eating, to practice mindfulness, to actually sit and focus on my meal, chew my food and enjoy what I am eating.  So I sat down a the dining room table by myself, looked out the window and slowly ate my eggs with a glass of water.  Food victory #2!

Last night we had to drive Hailey out to her friend's campspot for the weekend, which is over an hour away. On the way back, Mike wanted to stop at DQ.  I immediately felt anxious. Of course I wanted a peanut buster parfait, blizzard or something else with at least 1,000 calories. I got a Dilly Bar instead which is 220 calories and 19 grams of sugar. Mike got a banana split and Pips had a hot fudge sundae. Her sundae looked delicious but it was funny because all she wanted was my Dilly Bar. She kept saying "my chocolate!" and demanding I give her  Anyway, I finished my treat and started staring down Pips' sundae...surely a little girl would need help finishing that thing. hahahaha The hot fudge looked so scrumptious.  I had about four bites of it (not huge bites), then told myself NO MORE. I put the spoon down and told my brain that was it.  Not too bad! Food victory #3!

I was so freaking exhausted when we got home... I hadn't slept well the night before and was dead on my feet. Pips had fallen asleep in the car so we got her ready for bed and laid her down. I was changed and into bed within 5 minutes...sleeping about a minute later!

I woke up an hour later... like a woman possessed. I NEEDED SOMETHING. Like, to eat. NOW. I went down stairs like a zombie and opened the pantry door, grabbed a box of Life cereal (which I have seen many times and consistently avoided due to the high sugar content) and poured some into a plastic bowl. I went back up to bed, ate the cereal dry and then promptly fell asleep.

I woke up around 8 the next morning with a nasty taste in my mouth... feeling guilty like I had done something naughty.. knowing I'd had SUGAR (bad,bad) and then I'd gone to sleep with it coating my teeth (and probably storing in my fat cells. LOL!)

Ok, that was not a food victory, but it wasn't TOO bad. I should've had a better nighttime snack, of course. Maybe the Dilly Bar kickstarted my sugar cravings or something.

I got up, put on workout clothes and went on a 5-mile run.  Another victory! I think I burned up those glucose stores.

Progress, not perfection... as they say. If I do not allow myself a little treat when I go to the Dairy Queen with my family, I will go insane. So, I guess my goal is just to practice moderation and to win the fight against food...most of the time.

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