Saturday, December 19, 2009

Two Pink Lines

This morning, there were two pink lines.

We haven't really been "trying." About three months ago we stopped using anything, however I was using my crude system of tracking days, temperature, peculiar little twinges and the like. I knew it was POSSIBLE this month, although unlikely. I figured we would start "working at it" right after the New Year.

Even though I cannot imagine my life without my beautiful girls... I am never prepared to be pregnant. I always think, "Maybe we should wait a bit...til after the New Year, after the snow melts, after marathon season, after Macy turns 3..."

God knows I do this, He also knows if I wait til I'm ready, I will NEVER BE ready. So, He takes the matter into His own hands...knowing it will all work out.

I woke up at 5:52 this morning. "Maybe I should take a pregnancy test" popped into my head. Just to be sure.

There was a spare one underneath my nighttable. Quietly, so Mike wouldn't hear, I grabbed it in the dark and slipped into the bathroom.

I peed on the stick, carefully capped it, then set it beside the sink while I brushed my teeth and put in my contacts.

I felt the same...normal...

I finished with my teeth and glanced over at the plastic tube.

Two pink lines. I had to pick it up and check it... what did two pink lines mean again???

Pregnant. I am pregnant.

Before Macy, we had two pregnancies that didn't "take."

Mike and I first got pregnant around September of 2006...but I lost that baby at ten weeks. The following summer of 2007 I was pregnant again...that time I lost it after only a month. I started thinking something was really wrong with me! However, after just a few more months of trying, we were pregnant with Macy and she was born in April of 2008.

So, that is what worries me the most when it is this early and I already know... will the two pink lines become a real baby? I feel I can't tell anyone yet...I have to wait til we know if it's viable...if the egg is a good one.

The due date is 8-25-2010...seems so far away.

I am 37 years old, and I am pregnant with my third child. It doesn't seem real. It's so early.

I kept the secret from Mike for a whole 6 hours. I thought of all sorts of special ways I could tell him...should I wrap up the pregnancy test and have him open it on Christmas? Tell him at midnight on New Year's Eve, like whisper it in his ear when the ball drops? Have the DJ announce it to everyone at the event we'll attend on New Year's Eve?

In the end, try as I might, I could not keep the secret longer than 6 hours. We went to Perkins for breakfast that morning and once we were face to face I just had to blurt out the news.

Mike's eyes lit up when I told him. "I'm so excited!" he said. I told him of all the great ways I had considered to tell him, but he told me he liked the way it happened and wouldn't have changed anything.

Thinking happy, positive thoughts that the two pink lines will become a real baby!