Today I am 21 weeks pregnant. 21 down, 19 to go? That seems like a lot...
I don't know why I have to be so impatient about everything. I have a lot of trouble living in the moment, I constantly look ahead to the future and have a great deal of difficulty enjoying the present.
At work, I have a calendar where I am counting down the weeks and days to the baby's birth. I keep hoping I will go early. I mean, not so early that the baby won't be healthy - but maybe at say 37 or 38 weeks when she's already full term and there's no need to drag it out any longer...lol Well, I can hope, I guess!
The fear of the unknown scares me, that and being out of control. Not knowing. Being unaware of what my body will do.
I weighed myself this morning, something that always gives me a great deal of anxiety. I took the scale out, brushed it off (it always collects dog hair, lol) and whispered to it, "Please be my friend. Please be my friend." I did. I truly did.
It was decent. I have now gained a grand total of 7.5 pounds at 21 weeks. I am feeling especially triumphant because I am doing significantly better than I did during my pregnancy with Macy, even though back then I still ran almost daily and tried to eat healthy. I just wasn't as strict about food as I am now. When I got pregnant with Macy in July of 2007, I weighed 11 pounds more than I did when I got pregnant with this baby. Also, when I was 21 weeks pregnant with her, I had gained 15 pounds, (I've only gained half that at this point) and with Macy I went on to gain a total of 28...still in the "healthy range" but a bit too much for someone as small as I am. When I look back, I can see I was lax about a lot of things. I didn't really realize the importance of diet and how much it affects body composition - I pretty much thought as long as I was running my three miles per day, it wouldn't be a big deal to grab that cherry turnover in the breakroom at work, hit up Burger King for lunch or have a late-night snack of a giant bowl of some ridiculous low-fat cereal that was probably spiking my blood sugar to the moon and back. I didn't know then what I know now about the importance (for me) of watching my carb intake like a hawk.
Well, this time I know better, and I am keeping in mind that grabbing a little of this and a little of that here and there ALWAYS comes back to haunt me. I am not a total drill sergeant, of course. I have my once-a-month "treat days" and on the weekends (Fri, Sat, Sun) I relax a bit and allow myself to have sugar-free pudding, Jello and other baked goods I usually make using low carb/low sugar ingredients. This keeps me sane! The rest of the time it's good protein, low carb and whole foods.
Last night, I went to an event with my husband to honor the volunteers who work at his agency. The banquet room was decorated very nicely, each table was littered with brightly-colored candies and (OF COURSE) my very favorite Reese's mini peanut butter cups wrapped in the most beautiful pastel foil you can imagine! There were also small Hershey bars in baby blues, pinks and yellows. There was a whole pile of them right in the middle of the table. I wanted some SO bad. I imagined myself taking one, then another, then another... I knew I couldn't stop at one. LOL So, I didn't have any. Yay me.
Mike also purchased a pizza from some fundraiser and brought it home for dinner last night, along with thick, doughy cheesy bread. It was torture to not eat it, but I didn't. I knew I had to weigh myself today, plus I JUST had a cheat day 5 days ago!!! It was pretty tough cutting the pizza and distributing it to everyone, but once I had it all put away I was fine. Talk about iron willpower, huh? hahaha
So, this Saturday is the Fitger's 5K race! I'm really excited, this is the first competitive running event I've done while being pregnant. I've been running every other day lately, including a long run on Saturdays, so I feel pretty prepared. I also ordered a REALLY cute shirt I found online... it's pink and fitted and says "Got Baby?" (in the whole "got milk" fashion) I would love to have it arrive before Saturday so I can wear it during the race, but I doubt it. If nothing else, I can wear it for the half marathon, since I will be good and pregnant by then!
Have a great rest of your week!
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Once again, I'm just so darn in awe of you MDG! I remember worrying about you "restricting" yourself during your pregnancy with Macy, but after you explained how much better care you were taking of yourself it all made sense. Same with the running - it was something your body was used to doing so it was natural for you to continue during your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI think why you are always so impatient is that you are so focused on your goal, which is good, but can be frustrating to you at times. Don't forget to breathe, breathe, breathe and remember: ODAAT!
LYLAS,
Gwynn
You have always been a role model for me, even though I only dream about doing what you're doing. I do make my little baby steps though, and I know I will continue to get better about exercise and nutrition.