Here it is, August 13th already! I am doing a progress check on my goals for the year. Here's what I have completed:
1. Completed my masters' program and graduated from St. Scholastica
2. Acquired my own office space and started Next Dimension Wellness to help promote health and wellness among individuals and people dealing with mental health/chemical dependency issues -- also became licensed as a EAP provider in the area
3. Started a new job at a place that shares my vision to use nutrition and exercise with the MH/CD population and began writing a program description for my new position
4. Became approved by the state to offer continuing education in exercise physiology and held my first training for providers in July
Here are my short-term goals, which I plan to achieve by 11-11-11:
1. Complete book I am writing
2. Run a 5K in 22 minutes or less
3. Hold a training for MN LADCs in October and have at least 50 participants (my first training was not marketed to all the LADCs in the state)
4. Complete manual for my new job description and implement "Fitness Focus" option by October 1st, 2011
5. Re-engage in church by attending new pastor ceremony next Sunday
6. Be in Florida, on a beach in the Keys, on 11-11-11 AND 11-15-11!
7. De-clutter the house
Long term goals: (by August, 2012)
1. Move into new house on a lake
2. Meet Steven Tyler
3. Patent and get financial endorsement for an idea I have for a bathroom scale (maybe I can go on the Shark Tank.. haha)
I will be using this blog, along with my Youtube videos, as a way to hold myself accountable and also to demonstrate the power of the written word and so you can see what happens when you get focused and specific about your goals...YOU MAKE THEM HAPPEN!
Get the book "Write it Down, Make it Happen" by Henriette Anne Klauser. My mom bought me this book 11 years ago and it has made all the difference in the world. I started writing my goals down -- and one by one (along with action on my part, of course) they started coming true.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Healthy at a Hotel
Many people wonder, "how can I stay on track when I'm traveling? There's so much temptation with food and my hotel doesn't even have a fitness center!"
I am in Blaine, MN (which is a suburb of the Twin Cities) this morning -- attending a training for work and will be here through Thursday.
My work put me up at a decent hotel - wi-fi, microwave, refri, pool, etc., I didn't need anything fancy and won't be spending much time here anyway - but of course my first concern was "does it have a fitness center." LOL
I went online and scoped out the hotel before I got here, and I swear the website told me there was a workout room of some kind...or maybe that was just what I wanted to believe as I scanned over the hotel's amenities.
So of course I packed all my necessary workout supplies for the week. I also knew the hotel had a fridge, so I stopped at Super Target when I rolled into town to buy almond milk, organic eggs, tuna, fruit and frozen chicken breast...which I can cook in the microwave.
After getting here yesterday, I unpacked all of my stuff, got settled in, and around 6 p.m. decided I would head to the fitness center for a workout. I hadn't gotten a run in that morning, had been sitting in the car and needed to MOVE.
So I journeyed down to the front desk in my workout clothes and said "where is your workout room?" To which the girl answered, "we don't have one."
Move on to plan B...
Since I am a member of Anytime Fitness, I should've just gone that route in the first place, but thought if the hotel had a treadmilll I would just stay onsite. A quick google search confirmed that there was an Anytime just 4.3 miles away in Mounds View. I jumped on the highway for what I imagined to be a quick trip, but it wasn't long before it became clear that I had confused Highway 10 and County Road 10 -- and thus, gotten myself ALL turned around.
After some recalculating, I finally found myself in front of the Anytime Fitness, which was located in a strip mall and appeared to be alarmingly deserted. It looked dark, unoccupied and, well... CLOSED. But that couldn't be possible, right? Anytime means ANYTIME.
I went up to the door, scanned my key, and nothing. Doors locked, interior dark, no one inside. WTH?
I turned back to my truck, dejected... but since I was on a mission, I quickly consulted my Blackberry and was delighted to discover another Anytime awaited in Arden Hills...about 5 miles away.
I continued on my adventure and found the location, which reassuringly featured actual people working out inside. I went in and had a great 5-mile run on a very nice Nautilus treadmill. My only complaint was that there was no bosu ball to be found.
Sooo, I didn't give up on my workout after running into the roadblock. And honestly, even if there had been NO Anytime fitness in the nearby towns, I could've fired up my laptop and used it to work out to a P90X DVD right in my room. The people in the room below me may not have liked my plyo moves, but oh well :)
It just takes a little planning, being healthy on the road. One of the things I have learned is to be prepared --- because when I am hungry and desperate, I tend to make bad choices.
Time to grab a shower, have a great day!
I am in Blaine, MN (which is a suburb of the Twin Cities) this morning -- attending a training for work and will be here through Thursday.
My work put me up at a decent hotel - wi-fi, microwave, refri, pool, etc., I didn't need anything fancy and won't be spending much time here anyway - but of course my first concern was "does it have a fitness center." LOL
I went online and scoped out the hotel before I got here, and I swear the website told me there was a workout room of some kind...or maybe that was just what I wanted to believe as I scanned over the hotel's amenities.
So of course I packed all my necessary workout supplies for the week. I also knew the hotel had a fridge, so I stopped at Super Target when I rolled into town to buy almond milk, organic eggs, tuna, fruit and frozen chicken breast...which I can cook in the microwave.
After getting here yesterday, I unpacked all of my stuff, got settled in, and around 6 p.m. decided I would head to the fitness center for a workout. I hadn't gotten a run in that morning, had been sitting in the car and needed to MOVE.
So I journeyed down to the front desk in my workout clothes and said "where is your workout room?" To which the girl answered, "we don't have one."
Move on to plan B...
Since I am a member of Anytime Fitness, I should've just gone that route in the first place, but thought if the hotel had a treadmilll I would just stay onsite. A quick google search confirmed that there was an Anytime just 4.3 miles away in Mounds View. I jumped on the highway for what I imagined to be a quick trip, but it wasn't long before it became clear that I had confused Highway 10 and County Road 10 -- and thus, gotten myself ALL turned around.
After some recalculating, I finally found myself in front of the Anytime Fitness, which was located in a strip mall and appeared to be alarmingly deserted. It looked dark, unoccupied and, well... CLOSED. But that couldn't be possible, right? Anytime means ANYTIME.
I went up to the door, scanned my key, and nothing. Doors locked, interior dark, no one inside. WTH?
I turned back to my truck, dejected... but since I was on a mission, I quickly consulted my Blackberry and was delighted to discover another Anytime awaited in Arden Hills...about 5 miles away.
I continued on my adventure and found the location, which reassuringly featured actual people working out inside. I went in and had a great 5-mile run on a very nice Nautilus treadmill. My only complaint was that there was no bosu ball to be found.
Sooo, I didn't give up on my workout after running into the roadblock. And honestly, even if there had been NO Anytime fitness in the nearby towns, I could've fired up my laptop and used it to work out to a P90X DVD right in my room. The people in the room below me may not have liked my plyo moves, but oh well :)
It just takes a little planning, being healthy on the road. One of the things I have learned is to be prepared --- because when I am hungry and desperate, I tend to make bad choices.
Time to grab a shower, have a great day!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Change is GOOOOOD
Hello everyone!! Yes, I am still here. Getting ready for some exciting changes and a new chapter in my life.
I have decided to cease to be a Beachbody coach. After 2.5 years, this was a tough decision and I thought about it a lot. I will continue to speak highly of the company and to recommend their products. The coaching part just wasn't for me.
I love the Beachbody programs and products, and I will continue to use my Beachbody fitness DVDs --especially P90X and Turbo jam (old school version, yes, it gets the job done...lol)-- as they have become part of my life. What I am tired of, is trying to sell people things, trying to convince them that they need a shake or a special DVD to lose weight and to be healthy. For those who are looking for a jump start, supplemental tool, support - etc. it's all good... I think Beachbody does great things...has helped many people, and will continue to do so.
In my opinion, nutritional supplements and "the next great workout" are wonderful tools which can definitely help people lose weight, increase motivation, break through a plateau or kickstart a program. The problem I always struggle with in my mind, though, is "can you keep affording this product for the rest of your life." If you just buy P90X, of course you don't need to "keep buying it," but everytime I would get a program, they'd come out with a new one... and I would think, "what was wrong with the one I had?" LOL Same deal with my iPod and Blackberry.. I'm always behind the new technology! I have all the admiration in the world for great salespeople, as well as anyone who is great at what they do or shares their passion with others. There is also great income to be made if you work for it. I am all about people living their lives by doing what makes them happy.
However, I know many people I encounter cannot afford these products or programs, yet they deperately need to lose weight, improve cardiovascular health or just improve their exercise capacity so they can do simple activities of daily living. Many of the people I work with are on a limited income, are the working poor, are receiving assistance or are trying to put food on the table and may be doing so with quick and cheap convenience foods because they think it is saving money -- when really it is causing disease and increased health care costs in the long run. That is why I want to make health accessible to everyone, and will now use my blog to offer helpful tips and simple exercise strategies which are available to virtually everyone.
So, my goal is to help anyone and everyone through this blog and my videos -- free of charge -- through my personal, academic and professional knowledge of exercise science, fitness, diet, stress management and related topics. I'm not trying to sell you a thing -- except maybe a new lease on life!
It became clear to me the other day when that stranger paid for my order.. this is my way of paying it forward to everyone.
I have decided to cease to be a Beachbody coach. After 2.5 years, this was a tough decision and I thought about it a lot. I will continue to speak highly of the company and to recommend their products. The coaching part just wasn't for me.
I love the Beachbody programs and products, and I will continue to use my Beachbody fitness DVDs --especially P90X and Turbo jam (old school version, yes, it gets the job done...lol)-- as they have become part of my life. What I am tired of, is trying to sell people things, trying to convince them that they need a shake or a special DVD to lose weight and to be healthy. For those who are looking for a jump start, supplemental tool, support - etc. it's all good... I think Beachbody does great things...has helped many people, and will continue to do so.
In my opinion, nutritional supplements and "the next great workout" are wonderful tools which can definitely help people lose weight, increase motivation, break through a plateau or kickstart a program. The problem I always struggle with in my mind, though, is "can you keep affording this product for the rest of your life." If you just buy P90X, of course you don't need to "keep buying it," but everytime I would get a program, they'd come out with a new one... and I would think, "what was wrong with the one I had?" LOL Same deal with my iPod and Blackberry.. I'm always behind the new technology! I have all the admiration in the world for great salespeople, as well as anyone who is great at what they do or shares their passion with others. There is also great income to be made if you work for it. I am all about people living their lives by doing what makes them happy.
However, I know many people I encounter cannot afford these products or programs, yet they deperately need to lose weight, improve cardiovascular health or just improve their exercise capacity so they can do simple activities of daily living. Many of the people I work with are on a limited income, are the working poor, are receiving assistance or are trying to put food on the table and may be doing so with quick and cheap convenience foods because they think it is saving money -- when really it is causing disease and increased health care costs in the long run. That is why I want to make health accessible to everyone, and will now use my blog to offer helpful tips and simple exercise strategies which are available to virtually everyone.
So, my goal is to help anyone and everyone through this blog and my videos -- free of charge -- through my personal, academic and professional knowledge of exercise science, fitness, diet, stress management and related topics. I'm not trying to sell you a thing -- except maybe a new lease on life!
It became clear to me the other day when that stranger paid for my order.. this is my way of paying it forward to everyone.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Commitment
Sitting in a meeting at work a couple of weeks ago, something dawned on me.
I am terrified of commitment.
Big ones, small ones... any kind. Which shoes should I buy? Brown clogs? Green flip-flops? Tan boots? Which car? SUV? Mid size? Mini van? Which paint? Should I go back to school/remodel the kitchen/get a small business loan/switch to a different mineral water/launch a new website?
I spend entirely TOO much time thinking and agonizing over these things. Yes, some decisions require a lot of thought and consideration, but for others its downright ridiculous how much time I waste deciding whether to move forward.
Now, this may sound strange coming from a woman who has been happily involved with one man for going on 8 years and married for going on 7... so let me explain.
I'm not afraid to commit to things I know and believe are "failsafe." I feel that way about Mike and my marriage. The man is the most loyal man on earth and has never let me down, not once.
I am also committed to God. I have seen Him work in my life so many times and in so many different ways... it cannot be a coincidence. Although I do read the Bible from time to time when I can discipline myself, I am not at all good at quoting scripture. Anyway, I am thinking of the part in it where Jesus is fasting and walking around (in the desert, is it?) and Satan is trying all different sorts of things to tempt him... saying stuff like, "If you really are the Christ, then turn that rock into a loaf of bread!" Jesus refuses to of course because part of his coming to Earth was to be like us and to not use his "powers."
Anyway, the point of that little Bible story? That I am hiding my powers from everyone? LOL, no. In fact, I don't even know if sharing that story has any relevance to my post other than for me to note that Jesus was amazingly humble and didn't show off even though he could have.
Annnnyyyyway... back to commitment. I have a terrible time committing. That's it. To all sorts of things... things like, "should I get rid of this ten year old t-shirt that is practically threadbare and full of holes?" Nawww.... I might need it someday. (is that fear or commitment? or hoarding...) OR...
Server: "Would you like a glass of water?"
Me: "Uh... well... Hmmmm, ya know... I'm not sure. Heh. Ahh. I'm having coffee. OH. Do I want water, too? Ummmm. No thanks. WAIT. No, yeah. Sure, I guess."
ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this about myself!!!
Or... how about...deciding on a career????
Beginning of college career - Age 18: Check "prenursing" box on admission to UWS. 6 months in: Quit. Age 19: 6 months later: Decide I want to be a radiological technician, or "rad tech." Transfer to DCC, as it was then, back in 1992. Waiting list was 2 yrs long. Quit school. Decide FOND DU LAC is the way to go! Actually complete AA degree. Age 20: Transfer BACK to UWS. Decide to be "broad field science" major, since there is no astronaut track. (hahahaha) Get pregnant, get married, (not necessarily in that order) put school on hold. Move to KC. (geographical escape). Explore MANY universities. KU, K State, DeVry. Last in KC only 6 months due to "issues." Age 21: Have baby, get divorced. (in that order). Return to UWS (AGAIN!) This time major is... (???) Teaching? I think? Last awhile. Decide broadcasting is the way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!! Age 26: BACK TO LSC. (DCC now defunct.) Complete and earn (useless) Broadcasting "diploma." Hmmm... move into a lucrative career in radio sales, my first job pays a whopping $200 a week. Move to KDLH- return to UWS (AGAIN!! need that B.S. degree). Graduate with degree in Mass Comm/Psych. (2002). Stay out of school until I get the itch again in April, 2010 and am accepted into CSS's masters program in Exercise Physiology.
Why do I have this fear of commitment? Is it because I think I will fail? Or because things never are as I plan them to be in my head????
I just want to stop thinking thinking thinking so much. Is there any solution to this????
Oh, wait. I know there was a point to this entire rambling post. The point being, the reason I am NOT seeing more success with my Beachbody business, is that I never fully committed to it. When I did focus on it, it did well. When I stuck it on the shelf, it just sat there. Go figure, right?
So I have been a coach for 2 years now, and despite going through periods of time where I've done VERY little with the business, I have continued to earn over $100 a month. Through very little effort of my own. This is very sad to me because I know if I were to make an EFFORT... a COMMITMENT, I could do so much better.
Currently, I am an Emerald Coach. I have four coaches underneath me. I earn commission from the sales of the coaches below me, and of course I earn commission on what I sell (25%).
Here are my plans going forward to help myself grow my BB business:
*Network with at least 3 people per day about Beachbody
*Work out in WOWY, Beachbody's online gym every day
*Resume Shakeology
*Start INSANITY on April 1!
I had been on Shakeology prior to getting pregnant with Emmy and LOVED it. I felt so good... but had to stop when I got pregnant. I have been meaning to start up again, but various things have been getting in the way. No more! I am going to commit to it and see what kind of changes will take place.
Let me know if I can help you reach any of your health and fitness goals!
www.pureperformancefitness.com
I am terrified of commitment.
Big ones, small ones... any kind. Which shoes should I buy? Brown clogs? Green flip-flops? Tan boots? Which car? SUV? Mid size? Mini van? Which paint? Should I go back to school/remodel the kitchen/get a small business loan/switch to a different mineral water/launch a new website?
I spend entirely TOO much time thinking and agonizing over these things. Yes, some decisions require a lot of thought and consideration, but for others its downright ridiculous how much time I waste deciding whether to move forward.
Now, this may sound strange coming from a woman who has been happily involved with one man for going on 8 years and married for going on 7... so let me explain.
I'm not afraid to commit to things I know and believe are "failsafe." I feel that way about Mike and my marriage. The man is the most loyal man on earth and has never let me down, not once.
I am also committed to God. I have seen Him work in my life so many times and in so many different ways... it cannot be a coincidence. Although I do read the Bible from time to time when I can discipline myself, I am not at all good at quoting scripture. Anyway, I am thinking of the part in it where Jesus is fasting and walking around (in the desert, is it?) and Satan is trying all different sorts of things to tempt him... saying stuff like, "If you really are the Christ, then turn that rock into a loaf of bread!" Jesus refuses to of course because part of his coming to Earth was to be like us and to not use his "powers."
Anyway, the point of that little Bible story? That I am hiding my powers from everyone? LOL, no. In fact, I don't even know if sharing that story has any relevance to my post other than for me to note that Jesus was amazingly humble and didn't show off even though he could have.
Annnnyyyyway... back to commitment. I have a terrible time committing. That's it. To all sorts of things... things like, "should I get rid of this ten year old t-shirt that is practically threadbare and full of holes?" Nawww.... I might need it someday. (is that fear or commitment? or hoarding...) OR...
Server: "Would you like a glass of water?"
Me: "Uh... well... Hmmmm, ya know... I'm not sure. Heh. Ahh. I'm having coffee. OH. Do I want water, too? Ummmm. No thanks. WAIT. No, yeah. Sure, I guess."
ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this about myself!!!
Or... how about...deciding on a career????
Beginning of college career - Age 18: Check "prenursing" box on admission to UWS. 6 months in: Quit. Age 19: 6 months later: Decide I want to be a radiological technician, or "rad tech." Transfer to DCC, as it was then, back in 1992. Waiting list was 2 yrs long. Quit school. Decide FOND DU LAC is the way to go! Actually complete AA degree. Age 20: Transfer BACK to UWS. Decide to be "broad field science" major, since there is no astronaut track. (hahahaha) Get pregnant, get married, (not necessarily in that order) put school on hold. Move to KC. (geographical escape). Explore MANY universities. KU, K State, DeVry. Last in KC only 6 months due to "issues." Age 21: Have baby, get divorced. (in that order). Return to UWS (AGAIN!) This time major is... (???) Teaching? I think? Last awhile. Decide broadcasting is the way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!! Age 26: BACK TO LSC. (DCC now defunct.) Complete and earn (useless) Broadcasting "diploma." Hmmm... move into a lucrative career in radio sales, my first job pays a whopping $200 a week. Move to KDLH- return to UWS (AGAIN!! need that B.S. degree). Graduate with degree in Mass Comm/Psych. (2002). Stay out of school until I get the itch again in April, 2010 and am accepted into CSS's masters program in Exercise Physiology.
Why do I have this fear of commitment? Is it because I think I will fail? Or because things never are as I plan them to be in my head????
I just want to stop thinking thinking thinking so much. Is there any solution to this????
Oh, wait. I know there was a point to this entire rambling post. The point being, the reason I am NOT seeing more success with my Beachbody business, is that I never fully committed to it. When I did focus on it, it did well. When I stuck it on the shelf, it just sat there. Go figure, right?
So I have been a coach for 2 years now, and despite going through periods of time where I've done VERY little with the business, I have continued to earn over $100 a month. Through very little effort of my own. This is very sad to me because I know if I were to make an EFFORT... a COMMITMENT, I could do so much better.
Currently, I am an Emerald Coach. I have four coaches underneath me. I earn commission from the sales of the coaches below me, and of course I earn commission on what I sell (25%).
Here are my plans going forward to help myself grow my BB business:
*Network with at least 3 people per day about Beachbody
*Work out in WOWY, Beachbody's online gym every day
*Resume Shakeology
*Start INSANITY on April 1!
I had been on Shakeology prior to getting pregnant with Emmy and LOVED it. I felt so good... but had to stop when I got pregnant. I have been meaning to start up again, but various things have been getting in the way. No more! I am going to commit to it and see what kind of changes will take place.
Let me know if I can help you reach any of your health and fitness goals!
www.pureperformancefitness.com
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Therapy Session
I know there are a lot of more important things going on in the world and things people are suffering through that are much more horrible than what I have to deal with. Some days my self-examination is off the charts...and I just want to say to myself.. WHO F'N CARES IF YOU GAINED TWO POUNDS!" There are earthquakes and tsunamis and child abuse and poverty and famine... and you are worried about gaining two effffing pounds. It makes me feel horribly guilty, but I can't help it. Other days, like when I feel good about my body, I've had a great workout, my clothes fit well... the voice in my head is quiet.
 |
| March, 2000 |
The pic to the left is me with 185 pounds on my 63 inch frame. Some of you have seen this pic, but I like to take it out frequently so I don't forget where I was and what I can go back to if I fall off track. Even though I've lost over 60 pounds since that pic was taken, I still think very much the same...or I should say I regress to thinking that I will lose what I have achieved. I have a fat brain. I don't always think like a fit, athletic, capable person. It is a daily struggle.
I probably think about food 90% of the day... either I'm thinking what to eat, what not to eat, if I ate too much, if I can let myself eat something I want but shouldn't have, what I weighed that day. Is my weight creeping up? Do my pants feel tighter, or is it just my imagination? Do my thighs look big the way I am sitting??? Seriously, it gets so damn old.
 |
| Feb. 2011 |
I know there are a lot of more important things going on in the world and things people are suffering through that are much more horrible than what I have to deal with. Some days my self-examination is off the charts...and I just want to say to myself.. WHO F'N CARES IF YOU GAINED TWO POUNDS!" There are earthquakes and tsunamis and child abuse and poverty and famine... and you are worried about gaining two effffing pounds. It makes me feel horribly guilty, but I can't help it. Other days, like when I feel good about my body, I've had a great workout, my clothes fit well... the voice in my head is quiet.
I just wish I could eat whatever and not think about it so much. I've tried this experiment in a million different ways... but the bottom line is, no matter what I do... I can never relax. I need to be constantly vigilant or the pounds start creeping back on.
I guess it just seems so unfair... the way I am careful almost all the time, am very regimented about exercise...but it never gets easier and the obsession with food and weight never goes away.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Insights
I've been thinking a lot over the last week about why I am the way that I am.
This food and body stuff didn't happen overnight...it never does, right?
You see...things happened to me as a child that made me feel anxious and insecure. I was thinking really hard about how this all started, and one of the events I can trace it back to was in first grade. My teacher asked me to come up in front of the class and start a record we were listening to for our phonics exercise. Yep, that was back in the days of phonics. All I had to do was put the needle on the record.
At first, I was excited that she asked me, but when I got to the record player, I was suddenly shy, nervous and intimidated...and paralyzed by fright. I stood there before it, unsure of what to do. Finally, my teacher said, "just put the needle on the record!" Her tone, as I recall, was slightly exasperated, like, "let's get this show on the road."
The kids in the class giggled and I slunk back to my desk...mortified. This gave me a feeling of failure and no faith in my ability to master unfamiliar tasks.
I can think of many more events, and quite a few of them involve my teachers in grade school. I don't know why these seemingly inconsequential events had such an impact on me... but I think it was because I really put my teachers on pedestals and I was a people-pleaser. I wanted them to see what a good girl and a good student I was. I was once publicly humilated by one of my teachers because another boy and I had traded shoes... (weird, I know) something kids did in the 5th grade to indicate they were "dating." She announced to the class that this kid and I had "officially traded shoes." The class giggled and bent down to look at my feet. For some reason, her scornfulness (and their curious attention) made me feel that I didn't deserve a boyfriend, not now...not ever.
And of course, there are the stories of my embarrassment and failure in gym class... being picked last for teams, getting weighed and being almost the fattest in the class, (over 100 lbs in 3rd or 4th grade) having boys call me a fat whale in gym class, tasting blood in my throat after doing a shuttle run...dreading the pull-up test because I knew I would not be able to hang for even 10 seconds.
Paralleling these events in grade school was my chaotic home life and my dad's alcoholism. I can remember going home at the end of the day, never knowing what I would find. This jacked my anxiety up to insane levels, and I started having panic attacks at a young age...perhaps nine or ten. I didn't want to go anywhere that was unfamiliar because it made me feel out of control. If I tried to sleep over at a friends' house, I would often have panic attacks and insist on leaving once it got dark. This alienated me even further from my peers and didn't do anything to improve my social standing. In fact, several girls "dumped" me as a friend after I wussed out at their slumber parties. I couldn't bear the thought of being in a strange house and having people "fall asleep on me." I liked to be at home where at least there were certain things I could do to master my own surroundings.
I was considering about all of this yesterday as I ran on the treadmill... and I started thinking. I had this paralyzing anxiety and insecurity as a child and teen, but when I was introduced to alcohol in 1988, I found something that put a band aid on all of it. I know this isn't going to be a shocking revelation to anyone else who drank to deal with things/feelings... but alcohol was the thing that helped me deal with all emotions...good and bad... well, essentially I mostly used it to not feel.
When I drank, I felt powerful, invincible and strong. I didn't feel insecure about my body, self-conscious or anxious. I realized with my first drink that alcohol gave me a coat of armor that nothing could penetrate. It made me oblivious to the world around me and removed my preoccupation with "self." Is anyone looking at me? Are they talking about me? What are they saying? I didn't care when I was drinking.
So, starting at the age of 15, alcohol was the tool I used to NOT FEEL...to get a brief reprieve from my constant self-examination. From that point forward, my development was arrested and I did not experience emotions fully and authentically. Chemical help enabled me to go out with people and be something I was not. I didn't have to feel uncomfortable or anxious with alcohol as my companion.
I know lots of people use drinking to loosen up at a social event, which isn't such a big deal, but I always took it to the extreme. I NEEDED alcohol to interact and talk to people. I had half a box of wine with my old boyfriend Dale before walking across the stage to receive my high school diploma, because I couldn't bear the thought of everyone looking at me and thinking "Hmmm...I think Melissa has gained weight. Is Melissa getting fatter?" As if everyone in the audience was fixated ONLY ON ME. Of course, that's crazy and paranoid, but it was how I felt.
I can remember going to a wedding of a friend when I was 19. I looked around at the reception hall of people, of girls dressed up in little cocktail dresses, and felt fat and out of place. I imagined them looking at me with scorn and evaluating me. I felt panic wash over and I knew I would not be able to talk to anyone until I had a few drinks. I went straight to the bar and ordered a beer, and stood there drinking for a half hour or so by myself until the alcohol had taken the edge off my anxiety.
Age 28, feeling fat and out of place at Charlie's Club because my drunken date John was draped across a table of women who were regarding me with reproach. I quickly excused myself for the "bathroom," went to the bar and downed two shots of Jager. That did the trick. I returned to the table, not caring what the other women had to say about me.
There are thousands more situations like this where alcohol was my helpful "aide," and I continued to use it into my late 20's... despite many consequences and problems that resulted. The funny thing that happened though, was that once I got into the later years of my drinking, alcohol no longer worked. It didn't relieve my nervousness, in fact, in made me MORE nervous, especially the next day when I was sobering up and my central nervous system was "waking up" after a night of drinking. the consequences and painful repercussions far outweighed the brief "pleasant" period. Also, I didn't have the period of calming buzz and euphoria I loved so well...I was buzzed for maybe a half hour and then went into a blackout. Buzzed to blackout.
The point of all this, in a nutshell, is that I used alcohol to NOT FEEL from age 15 to age 30. Here I am at 38, and with going on 8 years logged into recovery, I still feel like a teenager. I have a lot of trouble asserting myself, and this bothers me. I've been mulling over this for the past week. Shouldn't I be farther along by now? Shouldn't I be fixed? Why do I seem to be getting worse?
Throughout the day, things will happen... I'll be put into unpleasant situations... and my mind will scream, THIS IS WHY I DRANK. I get through it, without alcohol of course... but it doesn't seem to get easier. Or maybe it does with some things? I can finally dance sober...
Exercise definitely helps me feel strong and in control of myself, it has helped in so many ways. "Gaining control of the physical body puts you in the driver's seat of life," says the 4-Hour Body guy... and I agree. Exercise has helped me to gain mastery over many things and to see myself as capable and worthy.
(it's so funny... as I am wanting to type "exercise" I keep thinking of the world "ALCOHOL." LOL)
So what's the answer??? I don't know. Becoming aware is the first step, right? I have become aware recently that I am not as far along as I would hope to be... that I am still a people pleaser at times, I still feel socially awkward most of the time. I thought it would be getting better, but it's NOT. I thought with practice, it would come easier, but it doesn't.
Anyway, I had a great weekend...Friday night I had a few cheats (pizza, Girl Scout cookies), but Saturday morning I had a hard run and an hour of bootcamp working out with some other folks at the gym, which was great. Yesterday I had a 4.5 mile run and exercises on the bosu ball. Monday is one of my off-days for exercise.
I am going to keep thinking about this and trying to figure it out... what it comes down to is that my poor body image made alcohol the perfect solution to my problems at the time... but after many years of using it as a coping mechanism, I am still trying to put the pieces together and figure out who I am.
This food and body stuff didn't happen overnight...it never does, right?
You see...things happened to me as a child that made me feel anxious and insecure. I was thinking really hard about how this all started, and one of the events I can trace it back to was in first grade. My teacher asked me to come up in front of the class and start a record we were listening to for our phonics exercise. Yep, that was back in the days of phonics. All I had to do was put the needle on the record.
At first, I was excited that she asked me, but when I got to the record player, I was suddenly shy, nervous and intimidated...and paralyzed by fright. I stood there before it, unsure of what to do. Finally, my teacher said, "just put the needle on the record!" Her tone, as I recall, was slightly exasperated, like, "let's get this show on the road."
The kids in the class giggled and I slunk back to my desk...mortified. This gave me a feeling of failure and no faith in my ability to master unfamiliar tasks.
I can think of many more events, and quite a few of them involve my teachers in grade school. I don't know why these seemingly inconsequential events had such an impact on me... but I think it was because I really put my teachers on pedestals and I was a people-pleaser. I wanted them to see what a good girl and a good student I was. I was once publicly humilated by one of my teachers because another boy and I had traded shoes... (weird, I know) something kids did in the 5th grade to indicate they were "dating." She announced to the class that this kid and I had "officially traded shoes." The class giggled and bent down to look at my feet. For some reason, her scornfulness (and their curious attention) made me feel that I didn't deserve a boyfriend, not now...not ever.
And of course, there are the stories of my embarrassment and failure in gym class... being picked last for teams, getting weighed and being almost the fattest in the class, (over 100 lbs in 3rd or 4th grade) having boys call me a fat whale in gym class, tasting blood in my throat after doing a shuttle run...dreading the pull-up test because I knew I would not be able to hang for even 10 seconds.
Paralleling these events in grade school was my chaotic home life and my dad's alcoholism. I can remember going home at the end of the day, never knowing what I would find. This jacked my anxiety up to insane levels, and I started having panic attacks at a young age...perhaps nine or ten. I didn't want to go anywhere that was unfamiliar because it made me feel out of control. If I tried to sleep over at a friends' house, I would often have panic attacks and insist on leaving once it got dark. This alienated me even further from my peers and didn't do anything to improve my social standing. In fact, several girls "dumped" me as a friend after I wussed out at their slumber parties. I couldn't bear the thought of being in a strange house and having people "fall asleep on me." I liked to be at home where at least there were certain things I could do to master my own surroundings.
I was considering about all of this yesterday as I ran on the treadmill... and I started thinking. I had this paralyzing anxiety and insecurity as a child and teen, but when I was introduced to alcohol in 1988, I found something that put a band aid on all of it. I know this isn't going to be a shocking revelation to anyone else who drank to deal with things/feelings... but alcohol was the thing that helped me deal with all emotions...good and bad... well, essentially I mostly used it to not feel.
When I drank, I felt powerful, invincible and strong. I didn't feel insecure about my body, self-conscious or anxious. I realized with my first drink that alcohol gave me a coat of armor that nothing could penetrate. It made me oblivious to the world around me and removed my preoccupation with "self." Is anyone looking at me? Are they talking about me? What are they saying? I didn't care when I was drinking.
So, starting at the age of 15, alcohol was the tool I used to NOT FEEL...to get a brief reprieve from my constant self-examination. From that point forward, my development was arrested and I did not experience emotions fully and authentically. Chemical help enabled me to go out with people and be something I was not. I didn't have to feel uncomfortable or anxious with alcohol as my companion.
I know lots of people use drinking to loosen up at a social event, which isn't such a big deal, but I always took it to the extreme. I NEEDED alcohol to interact and talk to people. I had half a box of wine with my old boyfriend Dale before walking across the stage to receive my high school diploma, because I couldn't bear the thought of everyone looking at me and thinking "Hmmm...I think Melissa has gained weight. Is Melissa getting fatter?" As if everyone in the audience was fixated ONLY ON ME. Of course, that's crazy and paranoid, but it was how I felt.
I can remember going to a wedding of a friend when I was 19. I looked around at the reception hall of people, of girls dressed up in little cocktail dresses, and felt fat and out of place. I imagined them looking at me with scorn and evaluating me. I felt panic wash over and I knew I would not be able to talk to anyone until I had a few drinks. I went straight to the bar and ordered a beer, and stood there drinking for a half hour or so by myself until the alcohol had taken the edge off my anxiety.
Age 28, feeling fat and out of place at Charlie's Club because my drunken date John was draped across a table of women who were regarding me with reproach. I quickly excused myself for the "bathroom," went to the bar and downed two shots of Jager. That did the trick. I returned to the table, not caring what the other women had to say about me.
There are thousands more situations like this where alcohol was my helpful "aide," and I continued to use it into my late 20's... despite many consequences and problems that resulted. The funny thing that happened though, was that once I got into the later years of my drinking, alcohol no longer worked. It didn't relieve my nervousness, in fact, in made me MORE nervous, especially the next day when I was sobering up and my central nervous system was "waking up" after a night of drinking. the consequences and painful repercussions far outweighed the brief "pleasant" period. Also, I didn't have the period of calming buzz and euphoria I loved so well...I was buzzed for maybe a half hour and then went into a blackout. Buzzed to blackout.
The point of all this, in a nutshell, is that I used alcohol to NOT FEEL from age 15 to age 30. Here I am at 38, and with going on 8 years logged into recovery, I still feel like a teenager. I have a lot of trouble asserting myself, and this bothers me. I've been mulling over this for the past week. Shouldn't I be farther along by now? Shouldn't I be fixed? Why do I seem to be getting worse?
Throughout the day, things will happen... I'll be put into unpleasant situations... and my mind will scream, THIS IS WHY I DRANK. I get through it, without alcohol of course... but it doesn't seem to get easier. Or maybe it does with some things? I can finally dance sober...
Exercise definitely helps me feel strong and in control of myself, it has helped in so many ways. "Gaining control of the physical body puts you in the driver's seat of life," says the 4-Hour Body guy... and I agree. Exercise has helped me to gain mastery over many things and to see myself as capable and worthy.
(it's so funny... as I am wanting to type "exercise" I keep thinking of the world "ALCOHOL." LOL)
So what's the answer??? I don't know. Becoming aware is the first step, right? I have become aware recently that I am not as far along as I would hope to be... that I am still a people pleaser at times, I still feel socially awkward most of the time. I thought it would be getting better, but it's NOT. I thought with practice, it would come easier, but it doesn't.
Anyway, I had a great weekend...Friday night I had a few cheats (pizza, Girl Scout cookies), but Saturday morning I had a hard run and an hour of bootcamp working out with some other folks at the gym, which was great. Yesterday I had a 4.5 mile run and exercises on the bosu ball. Monday is one of my off-days for exercise.
I am going to keep thinking about this and trying to figure it out... what it comes down to is that my poor body image made alcohol the perfect solution to my problems at the time... but after many years of using it as a coping mechanism, I am still trying to put the pieces together and figure out who I am.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Answers to Questions
Morning everyone!
Thanks for following my blog, I am excited about it! It was also great to reconnect with Christina again, but old fitness friend from the AOL journal days! We have been comparing notes on our different diet/exercise plans which has been fun.
Lately, I've been getting some questions from various people on the internet and also in real life about why I eat the way I do... so let's clear a few things up.
1. I am not trying to lose weight, just maintain.
2. No, I don't think I'm "fat," but like most women I have insecurities about my body.
3. I don't think any food should be forbidden, even if it's straight lard.
4. I don't think fruits, grains and dairy are BAD... per se... just dangerous for me.
My eating plan may seem drastic to people (the way I essentially avoid simple carbs, fruit and dairy). I don't advocate that everyone do it this way... and some people's metabolisms are able to tolerate more carbs/fruit. Many people I know eat whole grains and fruits regularly and have no problems keeping their weight off/down. I have just found though that my body LOVES to store carbs, so I avoid 'em. In fact, almonds, cheese, fruit, nuts, and nut butters (seemingly innocent in moderation) have derailed my progress on more than one occasion. They are like "trigger" foods for me, much like sugar, which means once I start in with them I have a lot of trouble stopping.
I think my metabolism was ruined as a child...making my body predisposed to storing anything that is not protein or fiber (or a vitamin/mineral-haha). Of course this is kind of my own theory and I have not proven this beyond a shadow of a doubt... all I know is that when I start adding my off-limits stuff back in on a regular basis (and believe me, I have done it) my weight starts edging upward. I start to think, "oh I can have whole grain bread, just a few slices" "I can have cheese, just this once" etc.. and then I start craving more and more. Maybe it's my predisposition to addiction that makes me this way... but I tend to have very all-or-nothing views in certain areas.
My eating system operates on the glycemic index. I have done a lot of blood-sugar checking in the past to test my body's response to certain foods, and since I pretty much eat the same things most days, I don't need to check all the time. On cheat days or when eating new foods, I will check out of curiosity more than anything. I don't eat foods that increase my blood sugar over 100 mg/dl. Nothing I eat really raises it much, except nuts maybe. Elevated blood sugar=insulin spike=fat storage for me. Of course, there are exceptions to this - for example after doing a hard workout, a lot of people like to eat carbs/fructose to replenish glucose stores, and I am not against this because it's going right into your muscles anyway - just don't take in more than you need.
For me though, I have altered my body's system to where it burns fat primarily for fuel - not carbs. Because of my lower carb diet - I have trained my body to operate like this. Most people favor burning carbs - which is efficient and not bad... but for people like me who like to store everything as fat... burning fat for fuel is where it's at...in my opinion. LOL
I have also asked one of my professors about my diet and if there are any dangers involved in primarily burning fat for fuel (I can't think of any, but it helps to get an expert opinion, right? LOL) he seems to think it works very well for me and I shouldn't change anything. So, that is the name of the game, finding a system that works for your own body.
Don't get me wrong - I am not "carb-phobic." I eat around 100 grams of carb a day (average American eats 300-350) but mine are from beans, nuts and vegetables.
As for dairy - I've never been a big fan. I have hated milk since I was a child, so I don't miss it. I think dairy is overrated, personally. I get plenty of calcium through other foods. I find it to be irritating to my digestive system and makes me bloated and sluggish. Yogurt is ok in my opinion ONLY if it's the plain variety - because it contains healthy bacteria - probiotics. I did make a mental note to start eating some for this reason... but haven't gotten around to it. Sadly, most yogurt on the store shelves (Activia, Yoplait, etc. ) is swimming with sugar - about 25 g per serving - so be careful!
I do eat eggs (yolks included... they have a lot of healthy minerals - choline-) you cannot get elsewhere - and the cholesterol argument is old and flawed. Yes, eggs have a lot of cholesterol, but EATING it will not necessarily raise your blood cholesterol. Eating refined carbs will. Yolks also raise levels of good (HDL) cholesterol. I eat a lot of eggs and my cholesterol is 155.
I also eat butter.. not tons, but a tablespoon or so per serving. Butter/fat helps me feel satiated and I find I NEED this. The low fat route sucks and doesn't work for me. Fat is essential and necessary for cell function. My diet is probably 40% fat. If you get a chance, rent the documentary "Fathead." Amazing. Shatters old beliefs/myths about fat making you fat.
I don't eat grains much for the same reason as dairy - they make me feel bloated and give me terrible stomach cramps and pain. I used to eat a huge baggie of Triscuits every day at work - and every afternoon I would be doubled over with stomach pain. Guess what? I quit eating them and the pain went away. Grains just seem irritating to my system or something! I feel so much better when I am just eating protein, veg and beans.. I have tons of energy and my system seems to run much smoother.
Another thing that helps burn fat is to make sure you're eating a high protein breakfast as soon after you wake up as possible - say 30 grams or so. This will help you burn more fat throughout the day.
Sometimes it sucks to think about food all the time... I wish I could just be a regular person in life who eats and doesn't think about. My husband is funny like that. He tells me, "here's my diet plan. I get hungry. I eat. I wait a while. I get hungry again, so I eat." Simple. haha. He has a reserve problem, though, wanting to PUT ON WEIGHT... so he has the same fixation... just opposite of mine... haha
I guess it comes from years of being fat and then years of losing and regaining... I don't want to go through that again... and now that I've found what works for me, I don't have to!!!
Thanks for following my blog, I am excited about it! It was also great to reconnect with Christina again, but old fitness friend from the AOL journal days! We have been comparing notes on our different diet/exercise plans which has been fun.
Lately, I've been getting some questions from various people on the internet and also in real life about why I eat the way I do... so let's clear a few things up.
1. I am not trying to lose weight, just maintain.
2. No, I don't think I'm "fat," but like most women I have insecurities about my body.
3. I don't think any food should be forbidden, even if it's straight lard.
4. I don't think fruits, grains and dairy are BAD... per se... just dangerous for me.
My eating plan may seem drastic to people (the way I essentially avoid simple carbs, fruit and dairy). I don't advocate that everyone do it this way... and some people's metabolisms are able to tolerate more carbs/fruit. Many people I know eat whole grains and fruits regularly and have no problems keeping their weight off/down. I have just found though that my body LOVES to store carbs, so I avoid 'em. In fact, almonds, cheese, fruit, nuts, and nut butters (seemingly innocent in moderation) have derailed my progress on more than one occasion. They are like "trigger" foods for me, much like sugar, which means once I start in with them I have a lot of trouble stopping.
I think my metabolism was ruined as a child...making my body predisposed to storing anything that is not protein or fiber (or a vitamin/mineral-haha). Of course this is kind of my own theory and I have not proven this beyond a shadow of a doubt... all I know is that when I start adding my off-limits stuff back in on a regular basis (and believe me, I have done it) my weight starts edging upward. I start to think, "oh I can have whole grain bread, just a few slices" "I can have cheese, just this once" etc.. and then I start craving more and more. Maybe it's my predisposition to addiction that makes me this way... but I tend to have very all-or-nothing views in certain areas.
My eating system operates on the glycemic index. I have done a lot of blood-sugar checking in the past to test my body's response to certain foods, and since I pretty much eat the same things most days, I don't need to check all the time. On cheat days or when eating new foods, I will check out of curiosity more than anything. I don't eat foods that increase my blood sugar over 100 mg/dl. Nothing I eat really raises it much, except nuts maybe. Elevated blood sugar=insulin spike=fat storage for me. Of course, there are exceptions to this - for example after doing a hard workout, a lot of people like to eat carbs/fructose to replenish glucose stores, and I am not against this because it's going right into your muscles anyway - just don't take in more than you need.
For me though, I have altered my body's system to where it burns fat primarily for fuel - not carbs. Because of my lower carb diet - I have trained my body to operate like this. Most people favor burning carbs - which is efficient and not bad... but for people like me who like to store everything as fat... burning fat for fuel is where it's at...in my opinion. LOL
I have also asked one of my professors about my diet and if there are any dangers involved in primarily burning fat for fuel (I can't think of any, but it helps to get an expert opinion, right? LOL) he seems to think it works very well for me and I shouldn't change anything. So, that is the name of the game, finding a system that works for your own body.
Don't get me wrong - I am not "carb-phobic." I eat around 100 grams of carb a day (average American eats 300-350) but mine are from beans, nuts and vegetables.
As for dairy - I've never been a big fan. I have hated milk since I was a child, so I don't miss it. I think dairy is overrated, personally. I get plenty of calcium through other foods. I find it to be irritating to my digestive system and makes me bloated and sluggish. Yogurt is ok in my opinion ONLY if it's the plain variety - because it contains healthy bacteria - probiotics. I did make a mental note to start eating some for this reason... but haven't gotten around to it. Sadly, most yogurt on the store shelves (Activia, Yoplait, etc. ) is swimming with sugar - about 25 g per serving - so be careful!
I do eat eggs (yolks included... they have a lot of healthy minerals - choline-) you cannot get elsewhere - and the cholesterol argument is old and flawed. Yes, eggs have a lot of cholesterol, but EATING it will not necessarily raise your blood cholesterol. Eating refined carbs will. Yolks also raise levels of good (HDL) cholesterol. I eat a lot of eggs and my cholesterol is 155.
I also eat butter.. not tons, but a tablespoon or so per serving. Butter/fat helps me feel satiated and I find I NEED this. The low fat route sucks and doesn't work for me. Fat is essential and necessary for cell function. My diet is probably 40% fat. If you get a chance, rent the documentary "Fathead." Amazing. Shatters old beliefs/myths about fat making you fat.
I don't eat grains much for the same reason as dairy - they make me feel bloated and give me terrible stomach cramps and pain. I used to eat a huge baggie of Triscuits every day at work - and every afternoon I would be doubled over with stomach pain. Guess what? I quit eating them and the pain went away. Grains just seem irritating to my system or something! I feel so much better when I am just eating protein, veg and beans.. I have tons of energy and my system seems to run much smoother.
Another thing that helps burn fat is to make sure you're eating a high protein breakfast as soon after you wake up as possible - say 30 grams or so. This will help you burn more fat throughout the day.
Sometimes it sucks to think about food all the time... I wish I could just be a regular person in life who eats and doesn't think about. My husband is funny like that. He tells me, "here's my diet plan. I get hungry. I eat. I wait a while. I get hungry again, so I eat." Simple. haha. He has a reserve problem, though, wanting to PUT ON WEIGHT... so he has the same fixation... just opposite of mine... haha
I guess it comes from years of being fat and then years of losing and regaining... I don't want to go through that again... and now that I've found what works for me, I don't have to!!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
What Works for Me
I saw this lady at the mall last week...she was pushing a stroller with two kids and dragging a third by the hand. This woman was morbidly obese, trying to manage these three kids by herself. We went into the same shoe store. I watched her struggling to bend down and put shoes on her kids' feet. Every movement seemed to require a great effort.
I observed her discreetly and felt a huge amount of empathy. Being fat is hard. Caring for kids by yourself is hard, doing it carrying around an extra 200 pounds is next to impossible.
Being in her presence really drove home the fact that I REALLY REALLY want to help people live healthier lives. I watched her and I felt her pain, I mean I could relate. I think my history of being fat and overcoming it is almost more remarkable than my decision to quit drinking. Both were addictions I struggled to beat. The thing with food of course, though, is that you cannot just "stop eating."
I was overweight most of my life up until I turned 30 and decided some drastic things needed to happen. I wouldn't have been categorized as "morbidly obese," but carrying 185 pounds on a 5'3" frame definitely made life difficult.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the days when I struggled to lose weight, to find motivation to exercise and to stick with my resolve to lead a healthier life. I can remember thinking, "I just wish someone would give me something that would work. If I could JUST SEE RESULTS, I would stick with it." I was super motivated to lose weight, which was probably why I tried so many things. So many things that didn't work. If someone had just been able to give me the secret...
Do I have the secret now? Well, sort of. Partially, maybe. At the very least, I have something that works for me, after years of trial and error.
Soooo.... here's a list of things that DON'T work for me...
1. Relying on diet pills to lose/maintain.
2. Telling myself I can "NEVER" have a certain food.
3. Obsessing over the scale.
4. Beating myself up for missing a workout.
5. Requiring myself to exercise every single day.
6. Being rigid and inflexible. (overly strict)
Here's what DOES work for me...
1. Allowing myself "cheat" meals each week. I eat clean, to the best of my ability, Sun-Thurs. Friday is designated a "squishy" day. This means I do "soft" cheating. LOL It is certainly not a "whole-hog" day - but I do allow myself a few deviations from my regular diet. A few examples are, sugar-free vanilla lattes from McDonald's (I usually avoid artificial sweeteners) protein bars (I usually avoid packaged food of all kinds unless it is a "cheat" day) my favorite protein bars are from GNC. They're called "Oh Yeah" in the peanut butter variety. Seriously, it tastes like a Kit Kat with peanut butter - I adore the taste and texture. I also like the Supreme Protein bars. Tastes like a candy bar and does not raise my blood sugar - although they do contain chemicals/additives which can throw off the body's natural fat-burning hormones - so these are a treat, not a staple of my diet. I only eat them 1-2 days/week. Other "squishy" day favorites include peanut butter, almonds, other nuts, raisins and Carb Smart ice cream...another fave that does not raise blood sugar!
Saturdays are my "free" day. This is a work in progress. Some days, I go "whole-hog," where I overdo it, feel sick and have a food hangover the next day. This probably happens every third Saturday. I do try to be thoughtful about my food choices because I enjoy it much more when I put thought into what I want. I always start the day with my normal, healthy protein breakfast and do an extra long workout as "insurance." Then, if possible, I enjoy my cheat foods between noon and early evening and stop eating after that to minimize the damage. For example, this past Saturday, my cheats were 4 Girl Scout cookies (PB patties), 3 pieces of Tombstone pizza, a handful of chips (stale, ugh!) and a huge bowl of Carb Smart. I thought later it would've been really good to crush up some Thin Mint cookies in the Carb Smart...maybe next week. I was really happy with my control on this day - I didn't go overboard - but still got to have what I wanted! (I ate my normal "clean" foods for my other meals). I also felt great the next day.
I've been having weekly cheat days for two months now, (I NEVER used to do that - I was always too afraid of weight gain) and I've actually LOST a few pounds! So it's definitely not hurting me - and my brain hates long-term deprivation - so it's a great solution. I used to get bummed because I wouldn't allow myself to enjoy the little treats in life that other people take part in seemingly without thinking. For example, my husband and I used to like going to the DQ on Friday nights, get a treat and drive around our neighborhood. A simple little pleasure. Well, I would always force myself to have a "crappy" treat, like a fat-free fudge bar or something.. what fun is that??? hahaha I was so fearful that having what I REALLY wanted (a peanut buster parfait) would totally derail my progress and make me gain millions of pounds. Realistic, right? haha!! Well, I was really sucking the fun out of life by NEVER allowing myself to have a treat. If I want a piece of cake at my kid's birthday party, well damnit, I'm going to have it and NOT feel bad about it. Now that I allow myself "fun" foods, I feel like I'm even more disciplined during the week, because I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel...AND I have proven to myself that a couple of treats per week will NOT lead to weight gain, as long as I stick to my plan the rest of the time. Not only that, but after a day of indulging, I cannot WAIT to get back on my regular food plan. I always have a kick-ass workout on Sundays, too... to burn off some extra stores :)
3. Drinking water. I used to HATE drinking water...thought it was boring, time consuming and disliked making frequent trips to the bathroom. LOL Well, I have read a lot lately about the importance of water. Water flushes out your liver, which plays a huge role in fat metabolism/storage. If your liver is not functioning properly, it cannot effectively do its job! Now I carry water with me at all times to ensure my liver can be a fat-burning machine.
4. I do not expect things to happen overnight. My old dieting days were always filled with despair because I wanted things to happen instantly. I was going for a quick fix and not a lifelong plan I could live with. Now, I honestly feel like I am working a plan I can live with.
5. I am not a slave to the scale or the measuring tape. (or the calipers!) I really try not to weigh myself more than once a week. The scale is just another measurement tool and there are great fluctuations in weight due to food, hydration, menstrual cycle, time of day...etc. If I stay within a 5 lb window, I feel I am doing fine. Seriously, I used to FREAK OUT if my weight was up a pound or two one day...thinking I was surely on the fast track to fatsville.
6. I take days off from working out. There was a time when I ran EVERY DAY for an entire year. I did not give myself one day off. Ridiculous. That was getting a bit obsessive. Plus, I didn't lose any weight!!! I think it was all the cortisol I was flooding my system with! My current schedule is running Sat/Sun/Tues/Thurs and weight training on two of those days. I very rarely take more than two days off in a row from working out...usually I work out every other day and try to be active on the other days. This is not hard for me to do since I have two small kids and a house to keep up... plus hiking around campus is good exercise, too!
6. It's a constant battle - but I have learned portion control. I start out a meal with about half as much as I think I need, and I try to eat mindfully. I CHEW my food thoroughly (what a concept) and drink water with my meal. If I think I want more, I try to make a conscious effort to wait about 15 minutes before I get seconds, so I can see if I am TRULY full. This has worked wonders for me, this "delaying gratification." A lot of my feeding behavior before used to be very reflexive and impulsive, I would grab food and shove it in my mouth without thinking. Now I also try to avoid eating in my car and other places where I don't have to pay attention.
7. I avoid "white stuff" like the plague. That means all sugar, white bread, pasta, starch, refined carbs...etc. Sugar/junk carbs-> insulin spike-> fat storage for me. I also pretty much avoid grains... not necessarily because I think they are "bad," more because of how they make me feel - bloated, sluggish, not good. (unless it is Saturday of course and then all bets are off :D
8. I don't drink (as most of you know) and try to avoid other chemicals (over the counter meds, cough syrup, artificial anything). Alcohol slows down your metabolism, taxes your liver and is a zero-elimiation substance - meaning your body must get rid of it before it will use any other calories for energy.
Yeah, it sucks to think about food all the time, and believe me, I do. I guess that comes from being a former fat person, I constantly think I am going to LOSE IT (my fitness, that is) although I know that is not possible as long as I continue eating right and exercising.
I found an old diet log from 3 years ago - and I actually weigh 10 pounds less right now than I did at the time of writing that log - and I've had TWO kids since then! I was pretty amazed by that! Oh yeah, I also keep diet logs from time to time... which I despise. hahaha. I know all the "experts" suggest it's a great tool for keeping weight off - but since I basically eat the same things day after day, I don't see much point in it - however I do it from time to time just to get a sense of what I am eating. In fact, I did it last week, and found my average calorie intake per day is 1952 kcals. Whoopie.
Soooo.... I can say I have kept my weight off successfully for 8 years by doing the above things...and a few more. I'm never there, though... I'm always reaching for something else.
The more I think of it though... the more I think I want to help people develop a plan that will work for them... so they don't have to carry around extra baggage and be miserable.
I observed her discreetly and felt a huge amount of empathy. Being fat is hard. Caring for kids by yourself is hard, doing it carrying around an extra 200 pounds is next to impossible.
Being in her presence really drove home the fact that I REALLY REALLY want to help people live healthier lives. I watched her and I felt her pain, I mean I could relate. I think my history of being fat and overcoming it is almost more remarkable than my decision to quit drinking. Both were addictions I struggled to beat. The thing with food of course, though, is that you cannot just "stop eating."
I was overweight most of my life up until I turned 30 and decided some drastic things needed to happen. I wouldn't have been categorized as "morbidly obese," but carrying 185 pounds on a 5'3" frame definitely made life difficult.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the days when I struggled to lose weight, to find motivation to exercise and to stick with my resolve to lead a healthier life. I can remember thinking, "I just wish someone would give me something that would work. If I could JUST SEE RESULTS, I would stick with it." I was super motivated to lose weight, which was probably why I tried so many things. So many things that didn't work. If someone had just been able to give me the secret...
Do I have the secret now? Well, sort of. Partially, maybe. At the very least, I have something that works for me, after years of trial and error.
Soooo.... here's a list of things that DON'T work for me...
1. Relying on diet pills to lose/maintain.
2. Telling myself I can "NEVER" have a certain food.
3. Obsessing over the scale.
4. Beating myself up for missing a workout.
5. Requiring myself to exercise every single day.
6. Being rigid and inflexible. (overly strict)
Here's what DOES work for me...
1. Allowing myself "cheat" meals each week. I eat clean, to the best of my ability, Sun-Thurs. Friday is designated a "squishy" day. This means I do "soft" cheating. LOL It is certainly not a "whole-hog" day - but I do allow myself a few deviations from my regular diet. A few examples are, sugar-free vanilla lattes from McDonald's (I usually avoid artificial sweeteners) protein bars (I usually avoid packaged food of all kinds unless it is a "cheat" day) my favorite protein bars are from GNC. They're called "Oh Yeah" in the peanut butter variety. Seriously, it tastes like a Kit Kat with peanut butter - I adore the taste and texture. I also like the Supreme Protein bars. Tastes like a candy bar and does not raise my blood sugar - although they do contain chemicals/additives which can throw off the body's natural fat-burning hormones - so these are a treat, not a staple of my diet. I only eat them 1-2 days/week. Other "squishy" day favorites include peanut butter, almonds, other nuts, raisins and Carb Smart ice cream...another fave that does not raise blood sugar!
Saturdays are my "free" day. This is a work in progress. Some days, I go "whole-hog," where I overdo it, feel sick and have a food hangover the next day. This probably happens every third Saturday. I do try to be thoughtful about my food choices because I enjoy it much more when I put thought into what I want. I always start the day with my normal, healthy protein breakfast and do an extra long workout as "insurance." Then, if possible, I enjoy my cheat foods between noon and early evening and stop eating after that to minimize the damage. For example, this past Saturday, my cheats were 4 Girl Scout cookies (PB patties), 3 pieces of Tombstone pizza, a handful of chips (stale, ugh!) and a huge bowl of Carb Smart. I thought later it would've been really good to crush up some Thin Mint cookies in the Carb Smart...maybe next week. I was really happy with my control on this day - I didn't go overboard - but still got to have what I wanted! (I ate my normal "clean" foods for my other meals). I also felt great the next day.
I've been having weekly cheat days for two months now, (I NEVER used to do that - I was always too afraid of weight gain) and I've actually LOST a few pounds! So it's definitely not hurting me - and my brain hates long-term deprivation - so it's a great solution. I used to get bummed because I wouldn't allow myself to enjoy the little treats in life that other people take part in seemingly without thinking. For example, my husband and I used to like going to the DQ on Friday nights, get a treat and drive around our neighborhood. A simple little pleasure. Well, I would always force myself to have a "crappy" treat, like a fat-free fudge bar or something.. what fun is that??? hahaha I was so fearful that having what I REALLY wanted (a peanut buster parfait) would totally derail my progress and make me gain millions of pounds. Realistic, right? haha!! Well, I was really sucking the fun out of life by NEVER allowing myself to have a treat. If I want a piece of cake at my kid's birthday party, well damnit, I'm going to have it and NOT feel bad about it. Now that I allow myself "fun" foods, I feel like I'm even more disciplined during the week, because I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel...AND I have proven to myself that a couple of treats per week will NOT lead to weight gain, as long as I stick to my plan the rest of the time. Not only that, but after a day of indulging, I cannot WAIT to get back on my regular food plan. I always have a kick-ass workout on Sundays, too... to burn off some extra stores :)
3. Drinking water. I used to HATE drinking water...thought it was boring, time consuming and disliked making frequent trips to the bathroom. LOL Well, I have read a lot lately about the importance of water. Water flushes out your liver, which plays a huge role in fat metabolism/storage. If your liver is not functioning properly, it cannot effectively do its job! Now I carry water with me at all times to ensure my liver can be a fat-burning machine.
4. I do not expect things to happen overnight. My old dieting days were always filled with despair because I wanted things to happen instantly. I was going for a quick fix and not a lifelong plan I could live with. Now, I honestly feel like I am working a plan I can live with.
5. I am not a slave to the scale or the measuring tape. (or the calipers!) I really try not to weigh myself more than once a week. The scale is just another measurement tool and there are great fluctuations in weight due to food, hydration, menstrual cycle, time of day...etc. If I stay within a 5 lb window, I feel I am doing fine. Seriously, I used to FREAK OUT if my weight was up a pound or two one day...thinking I was surely on the fast track to fatsville.
6. I take days off from working out. There was a time when I ran EVERY DAY for an entire year. I did not give myself one day off. Ridiculous. That was getting a bit obsessive. Plus, I didn't lose any weight!!! I think it was all the cortisol I was flooding my system with! My current schedule is running Sat/Sun/Tues/Thurs and weight training on two of those days. I very rarely take more than two days off in a row from working out...usually I work out every other day and try to be active on the other days. This is not hard for me to do since I have two small kids and a house to keep up... plus hiking around campus is good exercise, too!
6. It's a constant battle - but I have learned portion control. I start out a meal with about half as much as I think I need, and I try to eat mindfully. I CHEW my food thoroughly (what a concept) and drink water with my meal. If I think I want more, I try to make a conscious effort to wait about 15 minutes before I get seconds, so I can see if I am TRULY full. This has worked wonders for me, this "delaying gratification." A lot of my feeding behavior before used to be very reflexive and impulsive, I would grab food and shove it in my mouth without thinking. Now I also try to avoid eating in my car and other places where I don't have to pay attention.
7. I avoid "white stuff" like the plague. That means all sugar, white bread, pasta, starch, refined carbs...etc. Sugar/junk carbs-> insulin spike-> fat storage for me. I also pretty much avoid grains... not necessarily because I think they are "bad," more because of how they make me feel - bloated, sluggish, not good. (unless it is Saturday of course and then all bets are off :D
8. I don't drink (as most of you know) and try to avoid other chemicals (over the counter meds, cough syrup, artificial anything). Alcohol slows down your metabolism, taxes your liver and is a zero-elimiation substance - meaning your body must get rid of it before it will use any other calories for energy.
Yeah, it sucks to think about food all the time, and believe me, I do. I guess that comes from being a former fat person, I constantly think I am going to LOSE IT (my fitness, that is) although I know that is not possible as long as I continue eating right and exercising.
I found an old diet log from 3 years ago - and I actually weigh 10 pounds less right now than I did at the time of writing that log - and I've had TWO kids since then! I was pretty amazed by that! Oh yeah, I also keep diet logs from time to time... which I despise. hahaha. I know all the "experts" suggest it's a great tool for keeping weight off - but since I basically eat the same things day after day, I don't see much point in it - however I do it from time to time just to get a sense of what I am eating. In fact, I did it last week, and found my average calorie intake per day is 1952 kcals. Whoopie.
Soooo.... I can say I have kept my weight off successfully for 8 years by doing the above things...and a few more. I'm never there, though... I'm always reaching for something else.
The more I think of it though... the more I think I want to help people develop a plan that will work for them... so they don't have to carry around extra baggage and be miserable.
Friday, January 7, 2011
4-Hour Body
The last thing I needed was another "diet" book.
I have many weight loss/fitness/lifestyle books lining the shelves of my bookcase. South Beach, Total Metabolism, Atkins New Diet Revolution, The Primal Blueprint, Exercising Through Your Pregnancy...even Richard Simmons and Susan Powter (who I love). I've taken bits, pieces and helpful pearls of wisdom from each and incorporated them into my daily lifestyle. Some are better than others, and some methods I have extracted have helped me immensely.
I've tried a number of "diets" over the years...starting at age 8 when my mom decided we were going on a weight loss plan. We decided to weigh and measure ourselves each week and stood in the living room dutifully performing arm circles, torso twists and side bends. We danced in front of the T.V. to "American Bandstand." ("you can do side bends and sit ups, but please don't lose that butt!") My mother was well-intentioned and was trying to help me lose weight, but sadly, I got fatter and more discouraged...even when I tried to slim down by eating instant oatmeal, low fat turkey sandwiches and frozen diet dinners. I just couldn't stick with it - because I was always ravenous. I would quickly return to my breakfasts of Cream-of-Wheat with heavy cream for breakfast, fattening and nutritionally-devoid school lunch at noon, afterschool snacks of buttered popcorn and bowls of Cap'N Crunch, and good old fashioned Minnesota hot dish for dinner - usually topped off with pudding or ice cream for dessert. Meanwhile, I continued to damage my metabolism and decrease my insulin sensitivity. Although I never checked, I am guessing I was pre-diabetic. Not surprisingly I got fatter and fatter...existing on all these empty carbs and convenience foods that pack the shelves of the American grocery store and keep the insulin (fat storage hormone) flowing.
This continued until 8th grade - when I decided I was sick of being fat. I was convinced that the best and fastest way to lose weight would be to starve myself - so I put myself on a ridiculous near-fast that consisted of 290 calories per day. I ate yogurt, apples, diet Shasta and sugarless gum - and that was about all. I stuck to this eating plan with militant self-control for about 2 months and rapidly lost 25 pounds. As you can imagine, this "lifestyle" was nearly impossible to maintain. I was constantly starving and obsessed with food. In 10th grade, after getting down to an all-time low of 120 pounds, I learned to binge and purge. I guess I did not meet criteria for bulimia as I only did this maybe 1-2 times per week, but it wasn't healthy by any means. I also experimented with syrup of Ipecac to induce vomiting, but the after effects were so distressing that I only did this a couple of times.
After high school, I got a job at a convenience store and was introduced to the world of stimulants. We sold a product called Ephedrine (truck stop speed), and some of my co-workers took it to stay awake during their night shifts. I had gained most of my weight back through a steady diet of Deli Express and Little Debbies and found a pleasant side effect of ephedrine - no appetite. I rapidly dropped weight again. I then began experimenting with all sorts of products containing ephedrine - from Diet Fuel to Hydroxycut to the famed ECA stack. Of course, I saw rapid weight loss and was down to 113 pounds in no time. However, I was weak, irritable, anxious and definitely not healthy. Still, I thought ephedrine was heaven-sent - and was completely convinced that I would need to take it for the rest of my life.
I only maintained my 113 pound body for about a year - despite my stringent efforts. Much to my chagrin - I started GAINING weight. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Looking back, I can see I was deluding myself - I was drinking 3-4 nights per week and eating fast food at least a couple of those nights. I was still taking ephedrine, but it no longer produced the desired effects because I had built such a tolerance. Even 12-15 pills per day produced little to no effect.
I stuck my head in the sand and stopped weighing myself, as my life spiraled out of control. I bought "forgiving" clothes like exercise pants, leggings and shorts. I didn't want to know how much weight I had gained. This went on for a year. Of course I could tell I was gaining weight - but I didn't realize HOW MUCH. I stepped on the scale in November of 1999 and was delivered a shocking revelation. I weighed 185 pounds. I was completely horrified. How had this happened???
Well, after that I decided to try "Body for Life" by Bill Phillips. I was completely transfixed by the before and after pictures of the people who had completed the program...and was determined to follow his plan to the letter. I did - and lost 22 pounds - but then I quit.
Blah. I stayed "stuck" until September of 2003 - when I started running, and this kick started my weight loss once again, but as I will discuss later, somewhat became an obsession of sorts. The running starting moving the scale and the measuring tape down - 30 pounds or so over a couple of years - then it plateaued once more. Hmmm... "must do more exercise," I told myself, but it didn't seem to be working.
Weight training? The whole, "build more muscle, burn more fat" motto??? I got P90X in February of 2009 and completed two back-to-back rounds. It is an awesome program, and I saw great results. I continue to incorporate some of my favorite workouts each week. My only gripe with P90X is that it is somewhat of a time investment, and I don't always have an hour or more to work out each day. I want to do the most I can do in the least amount of time and see the best results I can. Does that make sense? "Don't do as much as possible. Do as little as necessary." Less is more.
In August, I gave birth to my third child, a beautiful baby girl. Within days, I started back on my exercise/restriction bandwagon - and it worked beautifully for a few months. I lost all the baby weight and more - plus got down to new lows of weight and fat percentage - but then plateaued. And not only that, something was STILL wrong in my head. I kept asking myself, more and more, can I live my life like this, counting stupid calories/carbs, running miles and miles around a track, resigning myself to NEVER overeating (must not enjoy anything "off limits" - as it will surely lead to disaster)???
It didn't even seem like my body was even changing anymore, despite all my hard work and effort. I'm sure you've all heard the saying "insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results." That's exactly what I was doing. For six weeks, NOTHING moved... not the scale, not the tape measure, not the body fat. Still, I didn't deviate from my stupid regime - I just ran more miles round and round the track. STILL NO CHANGES. I was afraid to do anything differently!!!
Here is where "The 4-Hour Body" comes in.
The week of Christmas, I was shopping in Barnes and Noble to pick up some books for my kids. As I walked to the front of the store to check out, I passed by a large table of glossy books and paused momentarily to glance over them. I reminded myself that I wasn't "shopping for me," but still this "4-Hour Body" book caught my eye. I picked it up and flipped through it while waiting to check out.
The line on the front cover caught my attention. "A practical crash course in how to reinvent yourself." Ok, now you've got my attention. I flipped open to a chapter called "Damage Control." "preventing fat gain when you binge." HUH? I decided I was going home with this book.
Other chapters which captivated me:
The Minimum Effective Dose (for exercise).
Everything Popular is Wrong
The Slow Carb Diet (I and II)
The Four Horsemen of Fat Loss (PAGG stack - like the ECA stack but NONSTIMULANT!)
The Glucose Switch: Beautiful Number 100
And many more.
I started the "slow carb" diet 2 weeks ago. I eat basically organic meat and eggs, beans, nuts, seeds, nut butter, spinach and other vegetables 6 days per week. I eat every few hours, as much as I want to be satisfied. On the 7th day, your "free day" you eat WHATEVER you want. No limits.
"Body for Life" had a free day, too. I have always been afraid of free day, that it would thwart all my hard work. As explained in the 4-Hour Body, it is important to spike calories once a week because it causes a "host of hormonal changes that improve fat-loss, from increasing cAMP and GMP to improving the conversion of the T4 thyroid hormone to the more active T3."
Common concerns:
"Don't you need fruit???" No. Cavemen didn't eat fruit year-round either, and weren't feasting on fat Florida oranges in the middle of January. Too much fructose = triglycerides (via the liver) = fat storage. (the exception to this would be consuming fruit in the 30 minute window following an intense workout).
"Don't you eat dairy?? What about calcium?!" Interestingly, the calcium in milk isn't that readily absorbed - even though everyone always touts the wonderful benefits of milk. Not to mention milk being heavily pasteurized. To tell you the truth, I have hated milk since I was a child, and quit drinking it when I was 2 (according to my mother..LOL) A cup of spinach (which I eat frequently) has almost as much calcium as a cup of milk, and almonds are a great source, too.
Oh, there are many other concerns... but my hands are getting tired of typing, so I will address those at another time.
Anyway, I had a huge food fest on Christmas Day, and enjoyed every minute of it. I then started the food plan (I won't call it a diet) Dec. 26. I lost 1 pound the first week, then had another cheat day on New Year's Day, then lost 3 pounds the second week!
I know some of you are thinking, "why are you trying to lose weight." I'm not, necessarily. I want to lose fat and to get ripped, so if you want to fault me for that, go ahead. I want a superhuman body, a body that performs better than it ever has at the age of 38. I want to run a 6:30 mile.
Where I am right now - I've been here before. I want to go where I've never been. Six (or 8..lol) pack abs...here I come. Am I starving myself??? NO. In fact, I am eating way more than ever, AND exercising LESS. That's right. I am now doing H.I.I.T. (high-intensity interval training) instead of my usual "chronic cardio." My average workout session is 30-45 mins, every other day. That's it. I have long read about the benefits of HIIT but have been too afraid to deviate from my mindless running. Now I can see that it works, because I am already faster than before - in just two weeks. There is a study in the book that compared 280 seconds of HIIT to 6 HOURS of long-distance running... and the effect was almost the SAME. Holy festivus!
And the cheat day. What glory. To actually be able to enjoy "bad" food and not have horrible guilt afterwards. It's awesome.
As you can see - I've had a lifelong battle with weight, food, exercise and restriction - and have never quite been able to find balance in these worlds. I think I've finally found the answer to a problem I've been struggling with for 30 years - and quite frankly I am ecstatic!!!
My yo-yo dieting has caused me much heartache and grief over the years... and being fat is no fun for anyone. Many of you know about my alcohol-abusive past - but my history of overcoming being fat and inactive is perhaps even more noteworthy. It's hard because a person can quit drinking alcohol - but you can't stop eating! I am sharing the information in the 4-Hour Body because it has helped free me from some of my obsessive behaviors.
I never thought in a million years that I could be fit and athletic. It's never too late to change your life...and there's no reason to fall back into old habits. The key for me was finding something reasonable that I could live with. It may seem restrictive to some - but for me, following the food plan all week long is no problem when I know I've got a "cheat" day waiting at the end of the tunnel!
I have many weight loss/fitness/lifestyle books lining the shelves of my bookcase. South Beach, Total Metabolism, Atkins New Diet Revolution, The Primal Blueprint, Exercising Through Your Pregnancy...even Richard Simmons and Susan Powter (who I love). I've taken bits, pieces and helpful pearls of wisdom from each and incorporated them into my daily lifestyle. Some are better than others, and some methods I have extracted have helped me immensely.
I've tried a number of "diets" over the years...starting at age 8 when my mom decided we were going on a weight loss plan. We decided to weigh and measure ourselves each week and stood in the living room dutifully performing arm circles, torso twists and side bends. We danced in front of the T.V. to "American Bandstand." ("you can do side bends and sit ups, but please don't lose that butt!") My mother was well-intentioned and was trying to help me lose weight, but sadly, I got fatter and more discouraged...even when I tried to slim down by eating instant oatmeal, low fat turkey sandwiches and frozen diet dinners. I just couldn't stick with it - because I was always ravenous. I would quickly return to my breakfasts of Cream-of-Wheat with heavy cream for breakfast, fattening and nutritionally-devoid school lunch at noon, afterschool snacks of buttered popcorn and bowls of Cap'N Crunch, and good old fashioned Minnesota hot dish for dinner - usually topped off with pudding or ice cream for dessert. Meanwhile, I continued to damage my metabolism and decrease my insulin sensitivity. Although I never checked, I am guessing I was pre-diabetic. Not surprisingly I got fatter and fatter...existing on all these empty carbs and convenience foods that pack the shelves of the American grocery store and keep the insulin (fat storage hormone) flowing.
This continued until 8th grade - when I decided I was sick of being fat. I was convinced that the best and fastest way to lose weight would be to starve myself - so I put myself on a ridiculous near-fast that consisted of 290 calories per day. I ate yogurt, apples, diet Shasta and sugarless gum - and that was about all. I stuck to this eating plan with militant self-control for about 2 months and rapidly lost 25 pounds. As you can imagine, this "lifestyle" was nearly impossible to maintain. I was constantly starving and obsessed with food. In 10th grade, after getting down to an all-time low of 120 pounds, I learned to binge and purge. I guess I did not meet criteria for bulimia as I only did this maybe 1-2 times per week, but it wasn't healthy by any means. I also experimented with syrup of Ipecac to induce vomiting, but the after effects were so distressing that I only did this a couple of times.
After high school, I got a job at a convenience store and was introduced to the world of stimulants. We sold a product called Ephedrine (truck stop speed), and some of my co-workers took it to stay awake during their night shifts. I had gained most of my weight back through a steady diet of Deli Express and Little Debbies and found a pleasant side effect of ephedrine - no appetite. I rapidly dropped weight again. I then began experimenting with all sorts of products containing ephedrine - from Diet Fuel to Hydroxycut to the famed ECA stack. Of course, I saw rapid weight loss and was down to 113 pounds in no time. However, I was weak, irritable, anxious and definitely not healthy. Still, I thought ephedrine was heaven-sent - and was completely convinced that I would need to take it for the rest of my life.
I only maintained my 113 pound body for about a year - despite my stringent efforts. Much to my chagrin - I started GAINING weight. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Looking back, I can see I was deluding myself - I was drinking 3-4 nights per week and eating fast food at least a couple of those nights. I was still taking ephedrine, but it no longer produced the desired effects because I had built such a tolerance. Even 12-15 pills per day produced little to no effect.
I stuck my head in the sand and stopped weighing myself, as my life spiraled out of control. I bought "forgiving" clothes like exercise pants, leggings and shorts. I didn't want to know how much weight I had gained. This went on for a year. Of course I could tell I was gaining weight - but I didn't realize HOW MUCH. I stepped on the scale in November of 1999 and was delivered a shocking revelation. I weighed 185 pounds. I was completely horrified. How had this happened???
Well, after that I decided to try "Body for Life" by Bill Phillips. I was completely transfixed by the before and after pictures of the people who had completed the program...and was determined to follow his plan to the letter. I did - and lost 22 pounds - but then I quit.
Blah. I stayed "stuck" until September of 2003 - when I started running, and this kick started my weight loss once again, but as I will discuss later, somewhat became an obsession of sorts. The running starting moving the scale and the measuring tape down - 30 pounds or so over a couple of years - then it plateaued once more. Hmmm... "must do more exercise," I told myself, but it didn't seem to be working.
Weight training? The whole, "build more muscle, burn more fat" motto??? I got P90X in February of 2009 and completed two back-to-back rounds. It is an awesome program, and I saw great results. I continue to incorporate some of my favorite workouts each week. My only gripe with P90X is that it is somewhat of a time investment, and I don't always have an hour or more to work out each day. I want to do the most I can do in the least amount of time and see the best results I can. Does that make sense? "Don't do as much as possible. Do as little as necessary." Less is more.
In August, I gave birth to my third child, a beautiful baby girl. Within days, I started back on my exercise/restriction bandwagon - and it worked beautifully for a few months. I lost all the baby weight and more - plus got down to new lows of weight and fat percentage - but then plateaued. And not only that, something was STILL wrong in my head. I kept asking myself, more and more, can I live my life like this, counting stupid calories/carbs, running miles and miles around a track, resigning myself to NEVER overeating (must not enjoy anything "off limits" - as it will surely lead to disaster)???
It didn't even seem like my body was even changing anymore, despite all my hard work and effort. I'm sure you've all heard the saying "insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results." That's exactly what I was doing. For six weeks, NOTHING moved... not the scale, not the tape measure, not the body fat. Still, I didn't deviate from my stupid regime - I just ran more miles round and round the track. STILL NO CHANGES. I was afraid to do anything differently!!!
Here is where "The 4-Hour Body" comes in.
The week of Christmas, I was shopping in Barnes and Noble to pick up some books for my kids. As I walked to the front of the store to check out, I passed by a large table of glossy books and paused momentarily to glance over them. I reminded myself that I wasn't "shopping for me," but still this "4-Hour Body" book caught my eye. I picked it up and flipped through it while waiting to check out.
The line on the front cover caught my attention. "A practical crash course in how to reinvent yourself." Ok, now you've got my attention. I flipped open to a chapter called "Damage Control." "preventing fat gain when you binge." HUH? I decided I was going home with this book.
Other chapters which captivated me:
The Minimum Effective Dose (for exercise).
Everything Popular is Wrong
The Slow Carb Diet (I and II)
The Four Horsemen of Fat Loss (PAGG stack - like the ECA stack but NONSTIMULANT!)
The Glucose Switch: Beautiful Number 100
And many more.
I started the "slow carb" diet 2 weeks ago. I eat basically organic meat and eggs, beans, nuts, seeds, nut butter, spinach and other vegetables 6 days per week. I eat every few hours, as much as I want to be satisfied. On the 7th day, your "free day" you eat WHATEVER you want. No limits.
"Body for Life" had a free day, too. I have always been afraid of free day, that it would thwart all my hard work. As explained in the 4-Hour Body, it is important to spike calories once a week because it causes a "host of hormonal changes that improve fat-loss, from increasing cAMP and GMP to improving the conversion of the T4 thyroid hormone to the more active T3."
Common concerns:
"Don't you need fruit???" No. Cavemen didn't eat fruit year-round either, and weren't feasting on fat Florida oranges in the middle of January. Too much fructose = triglycerides (via the liver) = fat storage. (the exception to this would be consuming fruit in the 30 minute window following an intense workout).
"Don't you eat dairy?? What about calcium?!" Interestingly, the calcium in milk isn't that readily absorbed - even though everyone always touts the wonderful benefits of milk. Not to mention milk being heavily pasteurized. To tell you the truth, I have hated milk since I was a child, and quit drinking it when I was 2 (according to my mother..LOL) A cup of spinach (which I eat frequently) has almost as much calcium as a cup of milk, and almonds are a great source, too.
Oh, there are many other concerns... but my hands are getting tired of typing, so I will address those at another time.
Anyway, I had a huge food fest on Christmas Day, and enjoyed every minute of it. I then started the food plan (I won't call it a diet) Dec. 26. I lost 1 pound the first week, then had another cheat day on New Year's Day, then lost 3 pounds the second week!
I know some of you are thinking, "why are you trying to lose weight." I'm not, necessarily. I want to lose fat and to get ripped, so if you want to fault me for that, go ahead. I want a superhuman body, a body that performs better than it ever has at the age of 38. I want to run a 6:30 mile.
Where I am right now - I've been here before. I want to go where I've never been. Six (or 8..lol) pack abs...here I come. Am I starving myself??? NO. In fact, I am eating way more than ever, AND exercising LESS. That's right. I am now doing H.I.I.T. (high-intensity interval training) instead of my usual "chronic cardio." My average workout session is 30-45 mins, every other day. That's it. I have long read about the benefits of HIIT but have been too afraid to deviate from my mindless running. Now I can see that it works, because I am already faster than before - in just two weeks. There is a study in the book that compared 280 seconds of HIIT to 6 HOURS of long-distance running... and the effect was almost the SAME. Holy festivus!
And the cheat day. What glory. To actually be able to enjoy "bad" food and not have horrible guilt afterwards. It's awesome.
As you can see - I've had a lifelong battle with weight, food, exercise and restriction - and have never quite been able to find balance in these worlds. I think I've finally found the answer to a problem I've been struggling with for 30 years - and quite frankly I am ecstatic!!!
My yo-yo dieting has caused me much heartache and grief over the years... and being fat is no fun for anyone. Many of you know about my alcohol-abusive past - but my history of overcoming being fat and inactive is perhaps even more noteworthy. It's hard because a person can quit drinking alcohol - but you can't stop eating! I am sharing the information in the 4-Hour Body because it has helped free me from some of my obsessive behaviors.
I never thought in a million years that I could be fit and athletic. It's never too late to change your life...and there's no reason to fall back into old habits. The key for me was finding something reasonable that I could live with. It may seem restrictive to some - but for me, following the food plan all week long is no problem when I know I've got a "cheat" day waiting at the end of the tunnel!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Becoming Superhuman
http://www.fourhourbody.com/
After reading hundreds of diet/fitness books over the years, I finally found the BEST book. I feel almost euphoric, it's like it was written for ME. I just told Mike, "I feel like I've been released from my prison." He was like, "I didn't know you were in a prison." LOL I laughed and said, "you know.. my FOOD prison.."
What I meant, is that for YEARS, I have felt out of control with regard to my body/weight. There were good and bad days/periods, times of success and failure, loss and gain... many different eating and exercise plans. Through it all... even when I DID lose weight, I would feel like I wasn't going to hold onto it. Like the next binge was going to pack on 5 pounds and result in a downward spiral toward fatsville. Because of this fear, I NEVER had cheat days... well, maybe once or twice a year... and when I did I felt awful and guilty and didn't enjoy it. Not a way to live!
The last time (prior to Christmas, 2010) I REALLY overate was 5-15-10! I almost passed out from a food/salt overdose. I told myself "never again."
After Emmy was born, as most of you would expect, I went back to my obsessive regimen of food preparation, restriction and exercise. Round and round the running track at school, like a hamster on a wheel. Don't get me wrong, you all know how much I love running - but a big part of me was wondering, "What's the point." I mean, I know running and exercise is important and essential for cardiovascular and mental health (and I would continue to do it for those reasons alone) but I am beginning to learn that the weight loss effect is negligible - and when you do "chronic cardio" you actually may be sabotaging your own body. "The 4-Hour Body" takes a less-is-more approach with respect to exercise. Doing simple, effective exercises and high-intensity interval training can have an effect as beneficial as endurance training, according to many studies! Isn't that amazing???
Leaving the hospital after having Emmy last August, I was already down to 135 pounds. 6 weeks later, I had dropped another 13 pounds. After that, the weight loss stopped... despite miles of running, plyometrics and a very strict diet. What was the problem?
Too much exercise, not enough calories, not enough water, not the RIGHT kinds of nutrients, essentially.
For the past six weeks, I did not lose an ounce. Mind you, I was running about 25 miles a week, doing plyometrics 2 days, and eating around 1400 calories a day. Many of you may be saying "What the hell, you're 122 lbs...why do you want to lose more WEIGHT..." Well, I don't necessarily want to lose "weight."
I want to lose fat. My bodyfat scale tells me I am 20%...I have heard the scales aren't very accurate, but at least it's a rough estimate.
What I want, is a SUPERHUMAN body. A body that makes people say, "what the hell have you been doing?" And this is exactly what Timothy Ferriss talks about in his book "The 4-Hour Body." I want ripped abs. I don't want to be a competitive bodybuilder or anything - but I would like to make my body the best functioning machine it can possibly be - and this book is telling me how to do just that... in specific steps. AND...I don't want to spend hours and hours working out. I want to engineer the best functioning body I can.
The book has shown me how to eat more, do less exercise and spike calories once a week to boost fat loss. I have only been following the diet for 4 days - and have already dropped 2 pounds... and that is including a HUGE Christmas Day binge food-fest!
Here's how it works. Throughout the week, I eat protein and slow-burning carbs (vegetables, black beans, lentils, spinach). I don't eat fruit or dairy. On the "free day," anything goes!!! I have also reduced my exercise... running only about 3 miles every other day and doing other exercises such as kettlebells, pushups, lunges and core work on the in-between days. My workouts rarely exceed 30 mins/day. I will be monitoring my progress with the tape measure as well.
Having a weekly cheat day makes it easy to stick to the diet all other days of the week - and I don't feel guilty about it, either, because I know it is helping to reset my metabolism to ensure it converts T4 cells to T3 cells in the thyroid! Who would've guessed a weekly caloric spike would actually boost fat burning?
Also, I am no longer a slave to exercise. I have long heard that short bursts of intense exercise can be as effective (or even more effective) as long distance training. I plan to put this to the test for myself as I am training for Grandma's this spring.
I am so excited about this. I feel like it's a plan I can live with for a lifetime. Much more to come!
After reading hundreds of diet/fitness books over the years, I finally found the BEST book. I feel almost euphoric, it's like it was written for ME. I just told Mike, "I feel like I've been released from my prison." He was like, "I didn't know you were in a prison." LOL I laughed and said, "you know.. my FOOD prison.."
What I meant, is that for YEARS, I have felt out of control with regard to my body/weight. There were good and bad days/periods, times of success and failure, loss and gain... many different eating and exercise plans. Through it all... even when I DID lose weight, I would feel like I wasn't going to hold onto it. Like the next binge was going to pack on 5 pounds and result in a downward spiral toward fatsville. Because of this fear, I NEVER had cheat days... well, maybe once or twice a year... and when I did I felt awful and guilty and didn't enjoy it. Not a way to live!
The last time (prior to Christmas, 2010) I REALLY overate was 5-15-10! I almost passed out from a food/salt overdose. I told myself "never again."
After Emmy was born, as most of you would expect, I went back to my obsessive regimen of food preparation, restriction and exercise. Round and round the running track at school, like a hamster on a wheel. Don't get me wrong, you all know how much I love running - but a big part of me was wondering, "What's the point." I mean, I know running and exercise is important and essential for cardiovascular and mental health (and I would continue to do it for those reasons alone) but I am beginning to learn that the weight loss effect is negligible - and when you do "chronic cardio" you actually may be sabotaging your own body. "The 4-Hour Body" takes a less-is-more approach with respect to exercise. Doing simple, effective exercises and high-intensity interval training can have an effect as beneficial as endurance training, according to many studies! Isn't that amazing???
Leaving the hospital after having Emmy last August, I was already down to 135 pounds. 6 weeks later, I had dropped another 13 pounds. After that, the weight loss stopped... despite miles of running, plyometrics and a very strict diet. What was the problem?
Too much exercise, not enough calories, not enough water, not the RIGHT kinds of nutrients, essentially.
For the past six weeks, I did not lose an ounce. Mind you, I was running about 25 miles a week, doing plyometrics 2 days, and eating around 1400 calories a day. Many of you may be saying "What the hell, you're 122 lbs...why do you want to lose more WEIGHT..." Well, I don't necessarily want to lose "weight."
I want to lose fat. My bodyfat scale tells me I am 20%...I have heard the scales aren't very accurate, but at least it's a rough estimate.
What I want, is a SUPERHUMAN body. A body that makes people say, "what the hell have you been doing?" And this is exactly what Timothy Ferriss talks about in his book "The 4-Hour Body." I want ripped abs. I don't want to be a competitive bodybuilder or anything - but I would like to make my body the best functioning machine it can possibly be - and this book is telling me how to do just that... in specific steps. AND...I don't want to spend hours and hours working out. I want to engineer the best functioning body I can.
The book has shown me how to eat more, do less exercise and spike calories once a week to boost fat loss. I have only been following the diet for 4 days - and have already dropped 2 pounds... and that is including a HUGE Christmas Day binge food-fest!
Here's how it works. Throughout the week, I eat protein and slow-burning carbs (vegetables, black beans, lentils, spinach). I don't eat fruit or dairy. On the "free day," anything goes!!! I have also reduced my exercise... running only about 3 miles every other day and doing other exercises such as kettlebells, pushups, lunges and core work on the in-between days. My workouts rarely exceed 30 mins/day. I will be monitoring my progress with the tape measure as well.
Having a weekly cheat day makes it easy to stick to the diet all other days of the week - and I don't feel guilty about it, either, because I know it is helping to reset my metabolism to ensure it converts T4 cells to T3 cells in the thyroid! Who would've guessed a weekly caloric spike would actually boost fat burning?
Also, I am no longer a slave to exercise. I have long heard that short bursts of intense exercise can be as effective (or even more effective) as long distance training. I plan to put this to the test for myself as I am training for Grandma's this spring.
I am so excited about this. I feel like it's a plan I can live with for a lifetime. Much more to come!
Friday, September 3, 2010
The Finale!
Well, it has taken me three weeks to tell you about the birth of the baby! Bad me!!! I meant to come in here sooner and update, but well ya know how life gets away from you when a newborn comes on the scene!
Okay, so it was August 12th...one of the hottest days this summer - probably close to 90 and just as hot in my house. I lamented to Mike that night after watching the weather, "I think she barometric pressure is going to drop tomorrow and I am going to go into labor."
The morning of August 13th, I went to the gym and ran my three miles in roughly 32 minutes. I went home and showered - and when I got out of the shower - it seemed that something was "dripping," if you know what I mean. I couldn't tell if it was just water from the shower or what. LOL Anyway, I had a doctor appointment in about another hour, so I figured she could check me out then.
When I got to the doc, I had to provide a urine sample as per the usual - and while I was in the bathroom I noticed another gush of fluid and was pretty sure my water had broken.
Shortly after that I was up on the exam table and the doctor confirmed that, yes, my water had broken. I was kind of in shock, I haven't had that happen with my other two kids. I just sat there on the table thinking, "is this IT?" Thirteen days early???
I texted Mike and told him it was confirmed, my water HAD broken. The doctor told me I should get over to the hospital. I asked her if I could just go home until I started having contractions (I was feeling no pain) but she said they like to monitor you once your water breaks.
Then I asked if it was okay if I went home to get my stuff and she said yes. I did go home - but before I did I went to Arby's (LOL) knowing they would not let me eat once I was admitted to the hospital!
Then I went home, showered, packed my bag, cleaned the house, did a few other things and then Mike brought Macy to the sitter. I didn't end up making it to the hospital til 4 p.m. hahaha.. The nurses were like, "Oh, there you are - we were wondering if you were coming!"
Still no serious contractions.
They decided to just let me labor for a while and see what happened... apparently my cervix was not totally ripe so they gave me something to help it ripen. I started to contract some but not too intense. I had contractions through the night and dozed off and on until 6 a.m. when they started me on pitocin and gave me an epidural.
Once I was on the pitocin, it took about an hour and a half for me to fully dialate - then ONE PUSH and baby girl was here!!!
I couldn't believe it. It was so fast, and I had no tearing or stitches. Unbelievable!
Baby girl (who didn't have a name yet) was 6 lbs. 11.5 ounces and 19 inches long. She is totally gorgeous and the most wonderful baby.
It took Mike and I another full day after she was born to finally name her. Her name is Emilyn Danielle - Danielle is after my dad who passed away in 2002.
She will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and is a really good sleeper. I feel very fortunate that she sleeps well as I have to start school in a few days!
As for my body, I am getting it back :) I gained a total of 18 lbs after losing a couple the week before delivery, and lost 12 in the birth. I have since lost a few more leaving me with only about 3 lbs and some ab work and I will be back where I was! I also went back to the gym three days after delivery, I had NO pain or complications... I couldn't have asked for a better experience!!!
I feel happy and thrilled, almost euphoric.. and have had NO depressed feelings like I did after Macy. I feel on top of the world. I am truly blessed!!!
Monday, August 2, 2010
37 Weeks
37 weeks
Wow...3 weeks or less to go...can you believe it?!?! I thought this time would never come...
I finished work last week and I'm now officially "on leave." It's nice. We did a lot of work in the girls' room last weekend and we're all ready should the lil girl decide to arrive early!
I was really proud of myself yesterday - went to the gym and ran 5 miles on the treadmill! I think I am a lot more wimpy when I'm by myself. LOL It is a lot more motivating working out when you have a couple of "cardio queens" on each side of you busting their butts. I ran at about a 5.8 mile pace and it felt good. Very surprised I can still do that at 37 weeks!
I went to the doc last Friday - she checked me and said my cervix is "very soft" but still not dialated and pretty long. She has limited availability this week, so I will be seeing the nurse practitioner. I'll see my reg. doc at 38.5 weeks. She ventured to guess I would "still be pregnant then."
I got a terrible leg cramp a few nights ago! I woke up screaming in agony and tried to get out of bed as fast as I could, knowing I could alleviate the pain if I stood up. I got all tangled up in the sheets and tumbled out of bed! We have a very high bed, too... but I had a bunch of pillows on the floor so thankfully I didn't hurt myself. Mike woke up in a panic shouting, "What's wrong?!" He had terror in his voice! I guess he thought I was going into labor. As soon as I stood up on my foot, the cramp went away. However, my calf ached for the entire rest of the day! What a way to wake up!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
7-21-10
35 weeks pregnant
About a month to go!!!
I've been having some tremendous pelvic pressure. When I stand up from a sitting position or exert any effort, I feel intense pressure bearing down. Makes me nervous... wondering if the baby is going to stay in there! People close to me say I've grown a lot in the last month.
It's been unusually warm around here lately. As you may know, I don't have air conditioning or a house that is conducive to getting a breeze blowing through it, which really sucks. It's bearable most of the time... but some days in the late afternoon the sun just comes beating in the dining room windows and cranks up the temp in here. My sleeping has been really poor, so being in a hot house makes it much worse. Today looks to be in the 80's. Missing my old friend, the lake breeze.
I'm getting super antsy. Is it the nesting instinct??? I have to work today and tomorrow... then 4 days next week and I am DONE. I cannot believe next week is my LAST week. No one really knows what will become of me in the future, as far as work is concerned. I have reduced my status officially to "part-time," but it's unclear whether there will be anything PT for me once my FMLA expires in late October. I am not stressing about it too much. I am SUPER excited about going back to school in September, and with the demands of that along with a new baby - I will have my plate full :-)
A lot of people are surprised I am going to school full-time this fall - and tell me I am going to be exhausted and overwhelmed. That may be true... but I have a couple of important things going for me! For one, the exercise piece helps me tremendously. It gives me energy, motivation and combats sleepiness. I cannot WAIT to get back to my regular program - and for running to be fun again! There's an awesome wellness center on campus and I will be spending most of my time there for my classes in Exercise Physiology. If I am not able to work out prior to school in the morning, I will have breaks throughout the day where I can utilize the facilities. Plus, there's my awesome husband. He is so helpful and is totally supporting me in my goals. We will take turns getting up in the night like we did before - plus he is working from home for the month of September so I can attend school until the baby is old enough to go to daycare. Annnnnd.... of course I am tremendously excited to study my passion and to charter a new path for myself. So many wonderful things to look forward to!
I continue running...but it is much more difficult. I was proud of myself for getting a 6-miler in last Sunday. I can still do the first mile in about 9:15, then I usually slow down to 11 minute miles. That is ok with me. At least it feels like a workout! (even bending over to pick something up off the floor feels like a workout to me at this point...LOL) I also take walking breaks when needed and don't feel bad about it. Sometimes I get those round ligament pains when running, they sorta feel like a sharp stitch in your lower belly and make running almost impossible - so I need to stop and walk until the feeling passes. In addition to running I do my plyometrics workout on Tuesdays (super modified) and pushups. While I'm at work I try to take a lot of walking breaks. I will just get up and walk around... it also gives me an excuse to go outside, hike up the hill and get a cold beverage. LOL I am going to miss working downtown, it's fun having easy access to all the local businesses and being down where all the action is!
I have a doctor appointment this Friday. I hope she will check my cervix this time to see if anything is "happening." I feel like it just MUST be...with all this pressure and weird pains I have been experiencing, but you never know - could just be my own wishful thinking! We will see. I will keep you updated!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Into the Home Stretch (almost 34 weeks!)
According to my estimated due date, I have 46 days to go.
46 days, that's it!!! Wonder if she will come early??? My due date is 8-25-10. Everyone I see tells me how small I am. A lady at work the other day actually said to me, "I sure hope you get a lot bigger before you deliver!" I thought that was a strange comment. Not sure what she meant by it... maybe that it looks like the baby has a lot of growing to do? I responded, "Well I don't!" LOL Who wants to get huge and be more miserable??? At my last dr. appt, the baby was estimated at 4.5 pounds, right on track for growth. My uterus also measured exactly at the number of weeks it was supposed to. My other two pregnancies were very similar...I carried sort of "compactly" and my babies were 8 pounds, 1 ounce and 7 pounds, 2 ounces. I am not worried.
I am pleased with my weight gain, 18 pounds so far. I checked my weight card from my pregnancy with Macy and right now I weigh 17 pounds less than I did with Macy at this time in the pregnancy. Of course I started out lighter this time also, but I think it makes it a lot easier, especially in the hot summer months - to not weigh so much. It's been very hot around here this past week - and we don't have air conditioning since we rarely need it. There have been a few VERY uncomfortable sleeping nights. It won't last, though. Today looks to be a gorgeous beach day! We're planning to take Macy to build some sand castles. She will love it!
I've kept up my running, although it gets more and more difficult. I'm proud that I can still run a mile in around 9:15 even at almost 34 weeks pregnant! I haven't been doing any long runs since the marathon - I usually do them on Saturdays and the weather has been hot the past two weeks so I've skipped it. I refuse to run more than 5 miles on the treadmill...lol My runs are usually 3-4 miles on the treadmill in the basement where it's cool, with the fan blowing on me. I gotta do what I can to keep myself cool and comfortable! I also do plyometrics and pushups throughout the week.
I haven't had too many pregnancy symptoms to speak of, although I have a very nasty vericose vein in the back of my leg, just below where my knee bends. I hate it... it looks gross and when I run my hand over it, it feels bumpy. YUCK. I am going to see about having it removed after the baby is born. Mike says he can't notice it, but I think he's just being nice... No new stretch marks, though...YAY! I have a few old ones from Hailey - but that was 16 years ago and they are very faded and not very conspicuous. I am fortunate that way : )
Well, time to get ready to hit the beach!
46 days, that's it!!! Wonder if she will come early??? My due date is 8-25-10. Everyone I see tells me how small I am. A lady at work the other day actually said to me, "I sure hope you get a lot bigger before you deliver!" I thought that was a strange comment. Not sure what she meant by it... maybe that it looks like the baby has a lot of growing to do? I responded, "Well I don't!" LOL Who wants to get huge and be more miserable??? At my last dr. appt, the baby was estimated at 4.5 pounds, right on track for growth. My uterus also measured exactly at the number of weeks it was supposed to. My other two pregnancies were very similar...I carried sort of "compactly" and my babies were 8 pounds, 1 ounce and 7 pounds, 2 ounces. I am not worried.
I am pleased with my weight gain, 18 pounds so far. I checked my weight card from my pregnancy with Macy and right now I weigh 17 pounds less than I did with Macy at this time in the pregnancy. Of course I started out lighter this time also, but I think it makes it a lot easier, especially in the hot summer months - to not weigh so much. It's been very hot around here this past week - and we don't have air conditioning since we rarely need it. There have been a few VERY uncomfortable sleeping nights. It won't last, though. Today looks to be a gorgeous beach day! We're planning to take Macy to build some sand castles. She will love it!
I've kept up my running, although it gets more and more difficult. I'm proud that I can still run a mile in around 9:15 even at almost 34 weeks pregnant! I haven't been doing any long runs since the marathon - I usually do them on Saturdays and the weather has been hot the past two weeks so I've skipped it. I refuse to run more than 5 miles on the treadmill...lol My runs are usually 3-4 miles on the treadmill in the basement where it's cool, with the fan blowing on me. I gotta do what I can to keep myself cool and comfortable! I also do plyometrics and pushups throughout the week.
I haven't had too many pregnancy symptoms to speak of, although I have a very nasty vericose vein in the back of my leg, just below where my knee bends. I hate it... it looks gross and when I run my hand over it, it feels bumpy. YUCK. I am going to see about having it removed after the baby is born. Mike says he can't notice it, but I think he's just being nice... No new stretch marks, though...YAY! I have a few old ones from Hailey - but that was 16 years ago and they are very faded and not very conspicuous. I am fortunate that way : )
Well, time to get ready to hit the beach!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Marathon Recap
It has taken me a week to post my summary of the marathon, which was last Saturday. I am sure all of my dedicated readers have been suffering through sleepless nights wondering if I made it...LOL
Well, I did! We finished in 2:33. The time is nothing to brag about, but I guess running a 13.1 race at 31 weeks pregnant was/is!!!
In the pic you can see the shirts Mike designed for us. Isn't he a sweetie? We got a lot of comments on them which was fun. They say "Run Like a Mother" in case you can't tell.
Mike was actually very fun to run with too...which surprised me considering how competitive he is. I thought he would be going nuts running at my 11 minute pace, but he was actually quite pleasant! He kept asking if I felt ok, if we were going too fast, if I needed water.
We left the house at 4 a.m. Saturday, made it to the shuttle busses and were bussed to the start by 5 a.m. That left us with an hour and a half to stand around and do nothing - suck!! The waiting before a race is the WORST for me. I get so anxious and I just want to get GOING. Mike and I sat around and talked and then ran into a few people we knew and hung out with them. Finally it was 6:30 and time to start. The gun fired and we were off and running!
Weather at the start was slightly overcast and in the mid 60's. Beautiful sunrise with some stratus clouds. It was hard to tell if it was going to stay cloudy or if the sun would burn right through, in which case it would probably get quite hot - well, hot for me, anyway.
The first four miles of the race were a bit of a struggle and I tried to settle into my pace. It was a slow, uphill grade for 4-5 miles and I was REALLY feeling it. I had some pain in my quads but not horrible. I was very thankful I was not having the shin or calf pain I've had in recent months as my pregnancy has progressed. Once we hit mile 5, we finally got a downhill break and I started to feel really good. The sun came out but there was a gusty headwind that cooled us off nicely.
I was shocked - but I only had to pee TWICE, at miles 4 & 8! Mike thought it would be a lot more, and so did I. The lines for the port-a-potties were so long that I just went into the woods. Running makes all modesty go out the window sometimes...lol
Time passed rather quickly and before I knew it we were on our last mile. Things started to get really exciting then - the course was packed with bands, DJs and people cheering. The last quarter-mile of the race is a corral of people sitting on bleachers cheering. Oftentimes people ask me to explain the appeal of running and/or racing - well, this is it. The home stretch. The final push. The crowd cheering for you. Even though I was a 31-weeks-pregnant woman, I could pretend in my mind I was an Olympic athlete if just for a little while.
Once in that corral, I couldn't stop myself from "turning on the afterburners" as Mike calls it. LOL I started sprinting and was probably doing an 8-minute mile for the last part of the race. The crowd was deafening... were they cheering for me? Hell, I doubt it, but at least I could pretend. I did hear someone read my shirt who said, "Run like a mother! And she's pregnant!"
Mike and I held hands as we crossed the finish... and the moment I stepped over the sensor I was so overcome with emotion I started to cry. It doesn't matter if I'd done the race 50 times. The euphoria was unbelievable. People who wonder what "all the hype is about" probably have never experienced that.
So, all in all it was a fabulous day - and didn't kick my arse too bad! Of course my pelvis was the sorest but as long as I kept moving it was manageable. We had a busy rest of the day (of course) and could not relax, nap or any of that good stuff...although we did go to bed early that night. For once in MONTHS, I slept a FULL eight hours without getting up to pee! I think my body just shut down...lol Another thing I was proud of was that I ran the WHOLE way! Except for when I needed water and walked a few steps while downing my cup, I was constantly jogging.
No more races for me til after the baby is born, although I will keep running my 3-5 milers. Completing this race while pregnant was an amazing accomplishment for me and gave me an entirely new sense of what I'm capable of.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Running like a Mother...almost 31 weeks pregnant on Marathon Day!!
30.5 weeks
I am sooo tired this morning. I slept like crap last night! I am already getting too excited for the race. I can't believe it's tomorrow. In 24 hours, I will be out on the course with 5,000 other runners doing the half.
At least I will be very tired tonight...we have to get up at 3 a.m. tomorrow morning (or should I say this morning?) We have to catch the shuttle to the race start between 4:15 and 4:45. Don't want to be stressed and rushing. Today after I get out of court we will head downtown to pick up our race packets.
There are tons of people in town. I heard an estimate that about 30,000 people come here for the marathon. All week, I've seen folks running around downtown. There's electricity in the air! I look forward to this every year.
The weather looks decent. Not exactly what I would have wanted, but it could be a lot worse. It won't be TOO terribly hot (looks like around 67 for finish time, 50's at the start), but we will have a 20 mph headwind. Why, oh why, after two weeks of wind off the lake and fog, couldn't we just get a little tailwind to help us out??? It may also sprinkle on us at the start...that won't be so bad as long as it's not pouring.
I've had so many people say to me recently, "I can't believe you're running this race at almost 31 weeks pregnant." I have a sense that I don't want to let anyone down. I will listen to my body, but I know when I get out on the course I will want to be somewhat competitive. I won't want to bring in some sucky time...LOL
I better get going...I have a million things to do today!!! I will be back sometime tomorrow with a race recap! It will all be over before I know it.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
29 weeks, 3 days...About 74 days to Go!!!
Today I will complete my last long run before the race. Mike had to go into work this morning to finish some things up for a meeting he has on Monday, so I will have to wait until he is done with that. I usually like to get my run out of the way in the morning, but not today. I told him jokingly as he was leaving to "enjoy your time at work" because it was going to be considered part of his free time today. LOL I don't know how many miles I will go today, I'll see how I feel. I am thinking 6-8?
I had my follow-up doctor appointment on Thursday for an ultrasound to make sure growth is ok with little girl #3. It was pretty neat considering I was told I probably wouldn't have another ultrasound. Everything measured right on target at 29 weeks and I was so relieved to see that. Also, the baby now weighs 3 pounds! I can't believe it. She is about the size of a loaf of bread! Plus my amniotic fluid increased as well because the tech found another "pocket" of it she hadn't measured before. It is supposed to be between 5 and 25 (cc's?) and at my last appointment mine was 11. (If it gets below 7 they get worried). This time it measured at 15 so it's all good.
The doctor came in after the ultrasound to talk about the results and said everything looked great. She chuckled and said "I don't know where you put it," meaning when she had measured me the previous day I was only indicating 26 weeks, which was the reason she wanted to check the growth. I felt almost giddy to know the baby's growth is exactly where it should be!
After my appointment, Mike was talking about how his lunch had been terrible and he ended up throwing his salad away because he bit into a rancid cucumber. LOL I suggested going to Taco John's. Sometimes I like to treat myself with a little "off limits" food after I have an appointment. I usually don't eat much the day prior to the appointment and beforehand I get nervous and cannot eat...so I was ravenous. So we went to TJ's and had a nice lunch...I didn't go overboard but enjoyed every bite.
I continue to strive to seek balance with my food choices. I have pretty much boycotted the "cheat day" which used to be a full-on food fest that left me sick and sluggish for hours afterwards. I think I have succeeded in convincing myself that doing this is NOT FUN and not worth it. The last time I ate myself sick was 5-15-10. I don't even think I wrote about it - that's how awful it was. LOL Mike and I went to a seasonal burger place and I went crazy with fried fish, onion rings and ice cream. It was good at first, but I kept on eating. When I got home hours later, I took my blood sugar and it was STILL 148. It stayed elevated for like 6-7 hours, that's how long it took my body to process all that food... and thinking about that really sickened me.
So, I've been trying to just practice moderation and allow myself a little bit here and there, like on the weekends, but to maintain control and stop before I am full. It's been working so far. Last weekend, Mike bought Oreos (damn him!) which I love and cannot resist... well we've had the package for a week and I've only eaten 3 cookies, so I feel like that's a victory!
Also Hailey and I went to DQ yesterday - she left on a week-long trip this morning so we spent some time alone together yesterday. We went to see my new office and then on the way home we stopped for ice cream. I had a small cone... reasonable. In the past, I would think "screw it, I'm getting a Peanut Buster Parfait or a large Blizzard." Well, I am teaching my brain to be satisfied with less and it works. I had the cone and two hours later my blood sugar was only 119 so I was surprised it didn't do much damage!
That's about it on the food front. It's another gloomy day here in Duluth. I think when Macy wakes up we're going to bust out the Play-Doh and do some indoor crafts. Have a great day!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
76 (or so) Days to Go
I went to the doctor yesterday (29 weeks) and found out I am anemic. I wasn't surprised as I have been CRAVING ice big time for the past few weeks and chomping on it constantly... this was a symptom I had with both of my previous kids and it always happened around the end of the pregnancy. Apparently the baby is a parasite who is sucking all the red blood cells out of me...lol
I sheepishly told my doctor I am "not very good" about taking my vitamins. Not very good = hardly ever. Yeah, I know that is poor but I try REALLY HARD to get all of my nutrition through food sources, and I THOUGHT I was doing a good job of it. Hmmm... I don't like the prenatals because they make me gag, upset my stomach and, well, then there's that constipation thing. I tried to be good about them in the early weeks of pregnancy but have since fallen off the wagon.
The doctor asked if I could tolerate a Flintstones chewable and I was pretty sure I could... so she told me to eat 2-3 of those per day. If I can get my iron levels up I am sure it will help me in the marathon. I'm actually surprised I haven't felt worse while exercising, but really it hasn't been too bad. As long as I'm on a relatively flat surface I seem to be ok. Stairs are another story. I get seriously winded and out of breath climbing stairs and I sometimes have to take breaks. Makes me feel like I weigh about 300 pounds...lol Other symptoms I've had include weakness, racing heart from doing minimal activity...and the main one, as I tell Mike, "it feels like it takes a huge effort to do just about anything these days." Hoping the iron will help.
What else. Well, my blood pressure was 90/58, that's always good. She checked my cervix and said it was "long, hard and closed," no signs of preterm labor.
I asked her about anesthesia, specifically if I could request a certain person. I had a terrible experience with my epidural when having Macy and had to be poked in the back probably eight times before the doctor THOUGHT he got it in. He then went away and I continued to have excruciating contractions. I'd had an epidural also with Hailey, so I knew what to expect - and that was not it. After about an hour of worsening pain, they called a different anethesiologist in... the nurse later told me the line from the first doctor's attempt was not even in my back when they removed the gauze. The new guy did a great job and had me set up in no time. He said I had a curve in my spine which made it more difficult to find the space to insert the needle. Anyway, my doctor told me that first guy has since retired. I am glad!! I don't want any more run-ins with him.
My doctor said I could probably request a specific doctor to perform the epidural "since you're going to be scheduled anyway." I am not sure what she meant by that. Scheduled? Did she have me confused with someone else? She didn't have her computer with her and was unable to pull up her charts... but I hope she didn't think "scheduled" as in she thinks I am having a c-section...because all of my births have been vaginal and I want to keep it that way. I will have to ask her about that today. Oh yeah, when she measured me she said I haven't changed much since the last visit. I can't believe it, because I feel much larger and everyone says they can really tell now. She also said it may be just the way the baby is laying, but she wanted to order another ultrasound to make sure the growth is okay. It doesn't freak me out too much because I carried small with Macy and Hailey too. I just don't get how they can do this little measurement with a tape of your belly and that is supposed to tell them how growth is progressing. Weird. Well, I will have the ultrasound later this afternoon so I will let you know how it goes.
Only 9 days til the marathon...yikes... the weather has been cool and rainy around here lately, although the upcoming weekend looks decent. I am very anxious about the weather. Like I keep saying, it was really hot last year. It seems that weekend is when our summer has been starting for the past 3 years. I am hoping for a lake breeze...even fog...
Well, off to do my morning run. The past couple of days I've been able to do a 9:30 pace for the first mile and then 11 minute miles thereafter - not too bad. This will all be contingent upon the weather on race day of course... and those pesky iron levels!
I sheepishly told my doctor I am "not very good" about taking my vitamins. Not very good = hardly ever. Yeah, I know that is poor but I try REALLY HARD to get all of my nutrition through food sources, and I THOUGHT I was doing a good job of it. Hmmm... I don't like the prenatals because they make me gag, upset my stomach and, well, then there's that constipation thing. I tried to be good about them in the early weeks of pregnancy but have since fallen off the wagon.
The doctor asked if I could tolerate a Flintstones chewable and I was pretty sure I could... so she told me to eat 2-3 of those per day. If I can get my iron levels up I am sure it will help me in the marathon. I'm actually surprised I haven't felt worse while exercising, but really it hasn't been too bad. As long as I'm on a relatively flat surface I seem to be ok. Stairs are another story. I get seriously winded and out of breath climbing stairs and I sometimes have to take breaks. Makes me feel like I weigh about 300 pounds...lol Other symptoms I've had include weakness, racing heart from doing minimal activity...and the main one, as I tell Mike, "it feels like it takes a huge effort to do just about anything these days." Hoping the iron will help.
What else. Well, my blood pressure was 90/58, that's always good. She checked my cervix and said it was "long, hard and closed," no signs of preterm labor.
I asked her about anesthesia, specifically if I could request a certain person. I had a terrible experience with my epidural when having Macy and had to be poked in the back probably eight times before the doctor THOUGHT he got it in. He then went away and I continued to have excruciating contractions. I'd had an epidural also with Hailey, so I knew what to expect - and that was not it. After about an hour of worsening pain, they called a different anethesiologist in... the nurse later told me the line from the first doctor's attempt was not even in my back when they removed the gauze. The new guy did a great job and had me set up in no time. He said I had a curve in my spine which made it more difficult to find the space to insert the needle. Anyway, my doctor told me that first guy has since retired. I am glad!! I don't want any more run-ins with him.
My doctor said I could probably request a specific doctor to perform the epidural "since you're going to be scheduled anyway." I am not sure what she meant by that. Scheduled? Did she have me confused with someone else? She didn't have her computer with her and was unable to pull up her charts... but I hope she didn't think "scheduled" as in she thinks I am having a c-section...because all of my births have been vaginal and I want to keep it that way. I will have to ask her about that today. Oh yeah, when she measured me she said I haven't changed much since the last visit. I can't believe it, because I feel much larger and everyone says they can really tell now. She also said it may be just the way the baby is laying, but she wanted to order another ultrasound to make sure the growth is okay. It doesn't freak me out too much because I carried small with Macy and Hailey too. I just don't get how they can do this little measurement with a tape of your belly and that is supposed to tell them how growth is progressing. Weird. Well, I will have the ultrasound later this afternoon so I will let you know how it goes.
Only 9 days til the marathon...yikes... the weather has been cool and rainy around here lately, although the upcoming weekend looks decent. I am very anxious about the weather. Like I keep saying, it was really hot last year. It seems that weekend is when our summer has been starting for the past 3 years. I am hoping for a lake breeze...even fog...
Well, off to do my morning run. The past couple of days I've been able to do a 9:30 pace for the first mile and then 11 minute miles thereafter - not too bad. This will all be contingent upon the weather on race day of course... and those pesky iron levels!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
